Invade My World? Enjoy Yourself Then!
by IceCrystal7
Summary: Finally I'm back on Earth, sent to live with my cousins in America. So, what happens when my favourite Fish and Weasel combo come flying out the TV? Add a bit of a crazy Government, some love, a pinch of craziness, and we have a sequel! ItachiXOC Random!
1. Welcoming Hallucinations and Clowns

**Well Hello There! Welcome.. to the Weakest Link!**

**Hahah I just had to say that. Ignore the stupid comment up above. However I do welcome you all again, old people and new people. I'm gonna start by saying if you haven't read the previous story, 'Kidnap Me? Have Fun With That!' then you will probably be more lost than a shoe buried in the sand in the Sahara Desert.**

**To all those returning... *squeal* Omg you guys came back! Hugs and cookies and welcome treats! Plus Itachi's underwear...**

**Itachi: You have three seconds to give back my underwear...**

**Me: Or what?**

**Itachi: SHARINGAN!**

**Dang. So um, welcome, and enjoy the first chappie! Hopefully you like it! I'm going to try update more reguarly now. If I start taking too long, just mail me and slap me through the internet. Plus, I'm going to try get more ItachiXKrissy in it ;P OMG! Someone called it Itassy! I can't remember for the life of me who mentioned that, and I think I deleted the message T_T I died of laughter though! (Good laughter) 3 Love ya!**

**Also, all my love and support also to those in Christchurch and the cities surrounding it in New Zealand, where a huge earthquake has struck and killed people. New Zealand may be a tiny little island of 4 million down the bottom of the world, but we join together instantly when we are needed. All the best. Wish I could do more for you during this dark time. Stay strong. xox**

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Hi. I assume if you are reading this, you probably are already familiar with my story. Let's recap shall we? My name is Khristina May, though absolutely no-one calls me that. If you try calling me that, I'm gonna rip out your gizzards with a spoon, got it? Everyone just calls me Krissy. I am a plain, most unamazingly ordinary, now-18 year old girl from New Zealand. I've never really done anything amazing with my life. Let me change that. I had never done anything amazing with my life, until a few months ago. That was when I was suddenly sucked inside my television by some inter-dimensional chakra, before being flung into the lives of Itachi Uchiha and Kisame (my favourite Fish and Weasel.)

Through a series of bizarre events, I was then kidnapped by them under their belief that I knew too much information about the Akatsuki (which I did, but that was not my fault. How was I suppose to know watching a TV show would get me into trouble?) Through various escapes, recaptures, cooking experiences, a million injuries, random attacks, teasing,modnarness and downright idiocy, I had managed to meet a huge amount of the Naruto cast. Even the infamous kid himself.

Along my journey I had also, rather stupidly to some perhaps, had fallen in love with my kidnapper Itachi Uchiha. One confused kiss and out of the blue act of kindness from him later, I was then returned to my normal life. Normal, as in no ninja fights, no dealing with fish-resembling men or their partners, and plenty of proper food (aka marshmallows.)

Still, a part of me felt empty. Sure it had been months, so I was starting to get over the whole ordeal ,which had not been easy at first. My parents were amazed at my sudden obsession with the Naruto series, and the reason why I would zone out more than usual. At the greater risk of being placed in psychiatric care, I didn't mention anything to them. Over time though I had trained myself into sadly believing that I was never going to see anyone from my brief time in that world. No more being able to annoy the life out of deadly criminals.

So where am I now?

Dying of heat in the sun in some American backyard. After finishing school about two months ago, my parents thought it good to shove me off overseas to live with my cousins. They claimed it was to give me 'life experience'. I think they just wanted to convert my room into a home theatre. They tried denying that, but why else did they buy a brand new giant TV? So anyways, now I am in America, living with my cousins 25-year old Andy and 21-year old Emma, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

Who knew life would choose something for me to do and become so interesting when my favourite Fish and Weasel dropped in for a visit?

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"Why is it so hot?" I complained, wandering in from being sunbaked lying in the backyard and through open sliding doors. The rocketing temperature outside might have been what I would expected for New Zealand temperature at this time of year (the good old high humidity that clung to you greedily.) However this was America! Weren't the seasons supposed to be reveresed? It was meant to be cold; well at least, slightly colder. "Emma! Make it cold!"

Emma was flung out on the couch under the air conditioning unit. Her shoulder length, auburn coloured hair thrown out above her untidily. This was quite unusual for her. Being a professional beautician and hair stylist, she was usually so fussed about how perfect her hair would look. Today though, it was flung out in a careless mess across the couch in an effort to keep cool.

She lazily raised her head, "I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't." With her deep American accent and her laziness in the heat, it all drawled together into one word. With that, she flopped her head back down, "Go put on something cooler."

"You suck. Besides, I can't. I'm aready wearing shorts and t-shirt. Anything less and I'll be wearing just my underwear."

"Oo, yes, now that I don't want to be seeing."

I grinned and shook my head, walking to the couch and shoving her feet off, "Make room. I need air conditioning."

She reluctantly moved her feet with a pout, "You're lucky it's too hot for me to move, or you know I'd attack you."

"I'm so very afraid." Chuckling, I looked down at her and leant my head back against the couch. "Emma, why is it so hot?"

"I don't know."

"You should know."

"Why should I know?"

"Because I said you should."

"I'm not a weather woman."

"Why not?"

"Ooo, don't you start this thing with me," she giggled, realising it was the start of one of those 'Why' or 'Why not' arguments.

Letting my head roll a little so I could look down at her, I sighed. "You guys need a pool."

"Sadly, we're not that rich darling."

Moaning, I looked at the ceiling in despair. This heat was literally killing me. I was not used to such evil, cruel, torturous temperatures. My body was not made for living in this weather. It preferred the cold any day. At least when you were cold, you could dress in clothes to warm up. In this heat, you could only strip off so much before being labelled a nudist. "Didn't you have that blow up pool when I came here last year? The one with the little ducks and fish on it?"

Emma suddenly perked up, lifting her head off the couch. "Oh my giddy aunt. I so forgot about that pool." Immediately she was up on her feet and heading for the stairs in a streak of red hair. "I think we actually have it in the attic!"

"Oh sweet muffins, please not up there." I knew my cousins house well enough by now to know the attic was not a good place to go. It was a two storey house, with a little attic just up the very top of a pull out ladder near the stairs. Rather old and beautiful as this place was, the attic was like in one of those haunted house movies. The previous owners had left a lot of stuff up there when they moved out. China dolls with broken faces, old rocking horses and other spooky stuff.

"Come on, it's just an attic. Nothing is going to happen by going up there you know." She disappeared from view as the stairs curved and were blocked by view of a wall, hearing a few thumps that were obviously her trying to jump and reach the cord to pull down the attic stairs.

I walked up the stairs, standing on the small flat bit of landing where they changed direction, watching from there and tilting my head, "Yano, there is a thing called a ladder or a chair."

"Shut up."

"Why don't you make me?"

"Oh I'll make you alright."

Wandering up the stairs after her, I shook my head, "There's a chair in my room."

"I can do it without a chair, thankyou very much."

"And then you'll trip and fall down the stairs. Red heads are endangered enough yano."

"Whatever," she said, abandoning her attempt to jump for the cord and walking into my room. Instantly she spotted something I had forgotten to hide. A sketch book full of my various doodles. "Ooo. Hello. And who are these snappy people?"

I blinked and dove for the pictures I had open in my sketch book, "Nothing! They are just drawings."

But she already had her hands on the book. While I tried climbing over the top of her to reach it, she had opened it and was looking through the pictures, "Wow. This looks a lot like that anime thing.. Nabuko right?"

"Naruto. Now give me it back!"

"Oo, these are pretty good. I see you keep drawing this guy with black hair. Oo, he's one sexy thing he is," she smirked back at me. "Somebody has a crush."

"Do not! Now gimme!" I reached over and bit her ear, trying to get her to release the book.

"Ow! Hey no ear biting! That's my move!" As she turned to swat me off, I leapt over the top of her and grabbed the book. "Oi! Sneaky kid you. Fine!" She threw up her hands, "Don't show me this secret anime husband of yours."

I shook my head with a slight grin, "He's not my husband you dork."

"He's not? Does that mean it's open season on him? Actually, forget him. That big shark man you drew him with was pretty yummy. I'd tap that."

"You'd tap a half fish?"

"Oh, he's half fish? Darn. Shark I'd handle. Fish? Nah."

"Especially a gay fish man. He wears neon green underwear, just so you know."

"You don't know that."

"Or do I?" A raise of my brows and she chuckled, grabbing onto the chair and dragging it out the room.

"Fine. You and your weirdness; keep your hot anime guy and his gay fish friend. I'll stick with real life guys. They are much better. Actually no. I still want the gay fish," she winked at me teasingly, putting the chair underneath the attic, "Even that is better than some real life guys."

"Yeah. Like Bill the tattoo man?"

"I'm sorry, but who tattoos a cartoon spider chucking up pizza bits on his butt cheeks? He had to go." She smirked. "The day you get a boyfriend Krissy, I am going to tease him mercilessly, just so you know. However, if he can survive you, then I know he'll survive the family."

I put the sketchbook down on my desk and wandered over to hold the chair steady for her, "I just love how caring you are towards me."

"Any day sweetheart." She pulled on the cord and the stairs came down. Hopping off the chair and moving it to the side, she began up the stairs towards the attic, pulling my hand. "Come on."

"Why do I have to go in the spooky attic? I'd rather pluck my eyebrows out."

"Plucking those two bushy brows is my job missy. Besides, I'm not going up there alone. Have you even seen how freaky that place is? I can't believe we live with it above our heads." With a reluctant me behind her, she dragged me up the stairs and just inside the attic.

Immediatley old clown puppets strung from rusting metal wires and an old self portrait of some lady from fifty years ago greeted us.

"Ah, see it's not so bad up here." There was sarcasm in Emma's voice as we pushed our way through about a dozen old cans of silly string that had been left up here and forgotten.

I looked around, shuddering. I'd faced plenty of terrifying ninja battles before, but nothing was as creepy or scary as this. "Let's see what you say when the mutant clown dolls suddenly come to life and eat us."

"Drama queen. Now let's find that pool!"

We had just begun our slow, cowardly search when there came a loud thud from downstairs, followed a moment later by a second one that was even louder. The floor which we were both sitting on at the moment shook a little bit from the thuds. Both of us froze instantly, eyes snapping to the stairs and down below. I whispered to her, "Emma.. Andy shouldn't be home yet until later on, right?"

She nodded, eyes wide. Andy, my elder cousin and Emma's brother, was currently out at work. We were not expecting him back for at the very least another hour, so it couldn't be him. Both of us had our hearts thumping, listening as there came voices from downstairs and the sound of movement. Neither of the voices sounded remotely like Andy. From our position in the attic, we couldn't hear much. However we did manage to catch a faint, "Search the place. Bring back whoever you find."

"Krissy quick, pull the cord and close the attic," Emma hissed to me urgently, seeing how I was closer to the stairs.

I nodded at her, reaching for the cord. Unfortunately, as luck would have it, one of the old attic steps decided at this point in life that it would finally break in half when a little bit of weight was put on it. With a loud crack I lurched forward, rolling once before landing on the floor below in a big heap. "Ow..." What didn't help was the dozens of cans of silly string rolling after me, almost every one of them bonking me on the head before rolling away innocently across the landing. "Son of a booger..."

Rubbing my head, I sat up, hearing footsteps begin up the stairs. Freaking out, I grabbed the first things close to hand; this just so happened to be a bit of the wooden step and an offending, head-bonking can of string. "Stay back! I have wood, and silly string! I'll use it! I know where to stick and spray it!"

The person on the stairs came into view suddenly when I turned around, holding my piece of wood up in a threatening manner. He froze and I froze at the same time. I caught a, "There is no way..." before I had leapt at him to give him a huge bear hug. Or, fish hug!

"Oh, my gawd! Fish!" I don't think any of me had ever been so excited to see Kisame before. However, he did not seem to feel exactly the same, with the shock and horror etched into his face.

"No, _**no**_! We got rid of you! You were gone. It was peaceful!"

"Well, here I am again!" I hugged him so tightly around the neck that he turned a darker shade of blue rather quickly. "I cannot believe you are actually here."

Then it struck me; why was he here? If he was here, did that mean Itachi was as well? What if they had come back to kidnap me me again! No, Kisame seemed both shocked and horrified to see me, so it didn't mean they were here by chance. Besides, what was the point of kidnapping me for information about my world if they were already here?

I jumped up around his shoulders, hauling myself over onto his back so I could give him a fishy back, carefully avoiding Samehada. He moved his head a lot in different directions, trying to get it out the way of stray arms and legs. Leaning my head down over the top of him, I pinched his cheeks, "So why exactly are you here Fish Boy? Ha, knew you would miss me if I went away!"

"Miss you? Hardly. Now get off me!" He reached a hand up behind him and yanked me over his shoulders, and held me up by the back of my shirt in front of him. "I wouldn't say we came here by choice," he snarled. "You had something to do with this, didn't you?"

"Me? You're joking! Seriously, I would have done this much sooner if I knew how too."

Kisame grit his teeth, frowning at me.

I poked him the forehead, "You know Fish, you'll get more wrinkles if you frown. I think thats what your gills are. Just real early wrinkle lines."

By the look on his face, it was pretty clear that he had not missed my teasing in any way, shape or form. He raised his spare hand, pointing a finger at me in a menacing manner, "The only reason I haven't ripped out your throat already is because I have no idea where we are. You have three seconds to tell me. One.. two..."

The third second involved a flying mutant clown doll hitting in the side of the head. "Leave her alone you walking fish with legs you! I have clowns, and I am not afraid to use them!"

Kisame turned his glare onto Emma, who was currently brandishing a few of the creepy clown dolls like weapons in front of her. She made a small 'meep' at the intense look of _'I'm going to murder you.'_

Curling his upper lip, he slowly made his way up the stairs towards her, still holding me out by my shirtfront, "And who is this pathetic creature I now have to kill?"

"Hey no! Bad fish, you aren't allowed to harm Emma." I reached a hand up to flick him on the ear.

He turned his face to me, "Right, now that is it- Any last words?"

"I love you?"

Another clown doll suddenly hit him in the side of the head, "You! The big blue fish! I said leave her alone or face my mutant clowns!"

Kisame, now rather enraged at being hit by a clown doll in the head twice, as well as the simple presence of... well me, wasn't sure who to aim Samehada at first. He took a few very long strides up the few steps to grab a hold of Emma's shirtfront too, dragging her out of her position in the attic and back down onto the landing. With the two of us both being held up by him, wriggling around like there was no tomorrow, he was clearly debating in his mind who to deal to first. "Now, is one of you going to give me answers?"

Emma, who was holding onto what appeared to be a very old trumpet, attempted to hit him over the head with it. "Down fish, down!" Kisame easily moved his head, dropping Emma to the ground with a thud and glaring down at her, his top lip curling up a bit.

The sword came off his back, scraping along the ceiling and ripping a rather large dent in it, causing Emma to make an, 'eek' sound. He only smirked with a rather evil looking smile, "Well, guess if you aren't going to tell me anything, it would be much easier to kill you."

"Leave my cousin alone!" I growled, biting down on his hand sharply. Instantly I withdrew it, realising my mistake, "Oh gosh fish, seriously. Washing your hands is not a crime. Blek. Nasty, nasty fish fingers."

Kisame, who surprisingly did not loosen his grip even though there were now a set of teeth marks across his knuckles, sharply turned his face back at me. Holding Samehada above his head in a ready to strike position, he spat, "You little-!"

"Kisame, stop!"

The voice was in its regular monotone, only just slightly louder and more forceful. It still had the power to stop Kisame from bringing Samehada on top of me, as well as stop my heart dead in its tracks for a few moments. We all turned our heads in one single movement together to look at the raven haired figure standing at the bottom of the stairs. His ruby red eyes were taking in the scene before him as he made it up the stairway, mostly switching between me and Kisame. If he was surprised to see me, then he hid it quite well.

"Put her down."

Kisame growled, but reluctantly he released my shirt and allowed me to drop to the floor. He at least did it at an angle however, which caused me to lose my footing and fall onto my backside in a most undignified fashion. "Owies," was what I managed to say.

Itachi, who was now on the landing with us, took a few steps over until he was standing beside his partner. He then gazed between me sprawled on the floor and the freaked out red head, who was currently hunched back against the wall and holding out the trumpet as a weapon.

Then he looked down at me again. I swear, even after all these months, and one look from his blazing red eyes made my insides squirm around. Luckily, the colour of his eyes did not grace itself upon my face, because I refused to let myself blush like some silly schoolgirl.

"It has been a while, Krissy."

"Yeah. You miss me much?" I grinned goofily up at the two of them.

Kisame snorted, "Miss you? Not even for a brief second a year ago when we realised you were gone."

I blinked. "A year?" Well, I did end up spending weeks in their world and only an hour or so had passed when I came back over to Earth. Maybe the dimensional chakra thingy altered time between the two worlds.

"That long huh? Wow. Poor babies, without me so long. Never mind, you're here now! Actually, speaking of which, how come you are here?"

"You tell us. I bet you had something to do with it," Kisame growled.

"I did not! Seriously, if I could have I would have made you both turn up at Halloween in ballerina tutus."

I then felt a tugging at the back of my shirt, turning my head a little to see Emma. Her eyes were wide, constantly switching between me and the other two standing over the top of us, "Krissy... you know, you are kinda freaking me out by talking to the two creepos in your sketchbook. Calm me down a bit and tell me I hit my head in the attic, and am now hallucinating."

"You are hallucinating, Emma."

"Oh good... are you lying to me?"

"Yes."

"I hate you. So um, why is the gay fish and anime husband of yours standing on our stairway and not staying in your sketchbook?"

Wow, Emma always knew how to say the worst things. Attempting my best not to blush, I slapped her arm, "Hey shut up Carrot. And how should I know. Why don't you ask them?"

"No way! One looks like he's gonna jump on me and eat me, and the other looks like he's trying to telepathically make my brain explode."

"Okay, the fish maybe you're right.. but see, to blow your brain up, first you need to have one."

"Oh, go pluck your bushy eyebrows."

"Make me!"

"Oh my gawd, could this get any worse? Are we now stuck with two versions of this nightmare?" Kisame groaned, his teeth meshing together in irritation. "Itachi, make this idiotic torture of my sanity tell us where we are, or I'm going to gut both her and the red head."

"Hey, I did nothing to you! Except throw some clowns and attempt to bash your skull in with a musical instrument... that gives you no right to kill me!"

I looked at him and nods, "She's right Fish boy. I mean seriously, weeks of mental torture from me and you did almost nothing. Granted, you were ordered not too but still... put the sword away, and we shall talk."

"Oh is that thing a sword? Well damn. I thought being gay and all, he carried a giant tampon around to make a statment about his sexuality." Emma blinked, realising that voicing her thoughts (a common but rather idiotic trait of hers.. much like mine) was not a wise move. Kisame's eye was twitching, his hand on Samehada's handle tightening its grip. "Damn, I said that out loud didn't I?"

Kisame's lip curled back again, revealing pointed teeth that were meshed together angrily, "I'll let you figure that out while I'm ripping your limbs off."

I jumped in front of Emma, picking up one of the evil cans of string as I did so and aiming it. "Whoa. Back off! it's not her fault. I mean, it does look like a toilet paper covered tampon. Put the oversized hygeine product down. Don't make me use the ancient silly string on you!"

I think when the giant blue fish in boots made a threatning step towards us, it was more for intimidation, because I was pretty doubtful that Itachi would let him throttle us two females just yet. My fingers however worked for themselves, and soon blue sticky string was creating a great big mess across the hallway, Samehada and Kisame's face. Thank goodness it covered his eyes so that when he yelled out in anger and threw a few kunais, they just narrowly missed our heads.

"Emma..."

"Yeah?"

"Make for the hills!"

She did not need to be told twice, instantly standing up and sprinting with me to the end of the hallway and bolting through a doorway before either of the other two ninjas had moved. Kisame because he was pulling the blue string out of his eyes. Itachi likely thought that the room in which we had bolted into meant we were trapped. However, this house was so old that at the back of the room was another door leading to a second staircase going downstairs.

We wasted no time sprinting down those stairs, tumbling out in a heap down the bottom and headed for the front door. Truthfully, I wasn't actually sure if Kisame would really kill us. But if he managed to get his hands on us, he was certainly going to do some damage.

Heading out the front door, we were just in time to see an old black car pull up. Sitting behind the drivers seat (on the wrong side of the car.. seriously, I will get over that American's drive with the steering wheel on the left side of the car) was my cousin Andy, still in his uniform. He was home early, but at the moment we could hardly notice that as Emma practically jumped through the window into the back seat, while I threw myself into the passenger seat beside him. It was fair to say, the elder red-headed sibling of my two cousins was rather surprised at this.

"Whoa, steady on girls, where is the fire at?"

"No fire! Giant freaky fish man with a sword! Drive, drive!" was the reply he received from Emma, who was trying to hide in the back seat.

"Uh... what?"

Emma didn't need to repeat herself, when a giant hulking figure, with blue skin, pointed teeth and an unsheathed sword suddenly slammed down on the bonnet of the car. The sword instantly cut right through the metal and down all the way into the driveway, causing the car to shudder. All three of us yelped in shock, staring at the devilish grin of the man standing on the bonnet. "Did you think you could outrun me?"

"Krissy, Emma... what is that?"

"Ask Krissy! He's from her darn sketchbook!"

"Okay. Krissy. What is that?" Andy's tone sounded a little more desperate now.

"Well um, see Andy... I told you if you kept forgetting to feed the fish, that he would come back for his revenge."

Andy stared between me, and the creature that had shredded a hole in the bonnet of his precious car. "So, because I kept forgetting to feed the fish, he is now trying to kill us all?"

"Yupp."

"So where did the cloak and sword come from?"

"Andy, there is a giant Fish-man cutting through the car... are you really going to stop and ask trivial questions like where he picked up a cloak and sword?"

"You may have a point there."

"Will one of you actually stop and do something before the fish with legs cuts through the car and kills us?" Emma screeched from the back.

Kisame was frowning from outside on the bonnet of the car. "You know I can hear you all inside that metal contraption. Well, Samehada will soon make short work of you all." He raised his sword up and brought it down upon the windshield, smashing it into a million pieces of glass.

"For goodness sakes Andy! Use something off your batbelt already!" Emma yelled again in his ear.

Andy, being a security guard, had what us two females of the household teased him mercilessly for; namely, a utility belt. Sometimes he had a taser strapped to it, never anything more dangerous than that unless he was working at a bank or something. Most of the time it was just pepper spray, handcuffs and small, mostly harmless items in the long run. We called it his batbelt after sewing batman logos onto it.

Fumbling a little, Andy grabbed onto the small can of pepper spray, aiming it at the demented fish. Before he could even press the button, the can had a kunai knife sticking through it, narrowly having missed his hand. Andy dropped it in surprise, yelping, "This thing is a maniac!"

"Tell me something less obvious Andy..."

Kisame smirked, obviously enjoying the panic from inside the car before raising Samehada up high again.

He was then knocked back suddenly by a black and red blur that pulled him onto the driveway in front of the car. When they stopped moving at such a fast speed, we could all see that it was Itachi who had stopped Kisame. His face was blank, but if he was much of an emotions guy then he would have looked extremley irritated I was sure. He sort of looked like a parent telling a little kid off; only Kisame was at least a head taller than the black haired Uchiha. Though we couldn't hear what they were saying, it was probably along the lines of, "Calm down and don't kill them you twat." Okay, calling Kisame a twat was just me, but hey! The guy tried to go all can opener on the car!

Itachi turned to face us, seeing the rather freaked out expressions of my cousins and my, well... less freaked and rather unusual look. Sort of a cross between panic and a glisten of excitement. Though my breathing was not yet back to normal, I was going to admit that the adrenaline rush that had hit me was one I missed since coming back from the Naruto world. Come on, how often are you chased by crazed ninja on Earth?

I bit my tongue inside my mouth as he approached the car, leaving his blue counterpart fuming on the driveway and reluctantly slinging Samehada back over his shoulder. He approached on Andy's side. I thought he would fumble with the door handle, but the great Uchiha genius found a way past being bested by a car door. Instead he punched his fist right through the metal part, grabbing a hold of a handle from the inside and ripped it right back of the hinges.

"Oh my freaking jam biscuits, am I the only one seeing this?" Andy shouted, trying to scuffle back away from what he was now deeming an overly strong, red eyed freak. "Please tell me I hit my head on something and that this is not real!"

"Yes, you hit your head and are now hallucinating."

Andy visibly seemed to calm down, his posture relaxing. "Really? Oh, that's great! Well I mean, it's not great I'm suffering such severe hallucinations, but its better than it actually happening."

"Andy, the betch is lying to you! She did it to me about five minutes ago! This is freaking real!"

Instantly the red headed male that was my cousin entered a freaked out mode as Itachi spoke to him in a monotone that carried a harsh, icy undertone that was laced with a dangerous unspoken threat if we disobeyed his order, "Get out and head inside."

Trying to scuttle back further into the car, Itachi only reached in and grabbed his shirtfront, hauling his out of the vehicle and dropping his onto the concrete of the driveway. "Get inside the house." His icy red eyes trailed up to me and Emma, "All of you. Now."

Emma looked like she would try refuse as well, but I looked back at her, "Emma, do what he says. Seriously, Weasel is worse than the Fish if you try refuse him."

She nodded, obviously fearful, but dragged herself out of the car. Andy picked himself up off his feet and protectively kept his arms out to shield Emma from Itachi as she got out of that side of the car. Meanwhile I exited through the passenger door, seeing Kisame stride over to the car (or what was left of it) and haul it up to drag it around the side of the house out of sight. It would so happen, being the middle of a normal work day, that everyone else was at work and no-one had seen this incident. That meant no-one would have randomly called the police. Dang.

Andy and Emma were timidly heading back to the front door, me walking slowly behind to see if there was a chance a car might drive past and I could discreetly flag them down for help. Even I wasn't so much of a fool to not think of getting help, with two criminal ninja suddenly in the house. However, a sharp shove from the middle of my back, and I turned back to glare at Itachi. He looked down at me with those same cold, red eyes that I remembered from when I had first met him. Whatever I had seen in those eyes when he had let me go... or kissed me... was pretty much gone.

I still managed to turn myself around and point a finger at him in a threatning way. "I swear Weasel. If either you, or that walking pile of seafood hurts my cousins, there is going to be serious hell to pay."

He didn't reply, simply giving me another shove back towards the house. I trudged quietly through the front door, which he closed behind us, and wondered for a moment what sort of hell was about to break loose this time.

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**So there we have it. And that is how Kisame and Itachi met my crazy family. Well, not really. Krissy's crazy family. I wish my family was this crazy. Although I do have a really scary grandmother who can frighten the boogeyman away (she even scares Chuck Norris! D:)**

**I was trying to make this chapter perfect. It is hard to figure out how to reintroduce psychos... I mean.. wonderful.. crazy ninja.**

**Kisame: I hate you... you brought us back into a world of torture!**

**Me: Yes... yes I did... MWAHAHAHAHA**

**So, this would have been up well over a week ago, but if you read the first bit of the Authors Note, you would notice that I mentioned an Earthquake in my country. Very sad, a big tragedy and I again wish to pass on all my love and support to those affected by it. xox**

**At the risk of sounding mean or choked up or something... I'm just going to move on from that and scream PLEASE REVIEW.**

**Please? cookie? Itachis underwear?**

**Itachi: ... f*** you... **

**Me: :O Itachi has Hidan's potty mouth!**


	2. Fat Fish and Deals

**So here you guys are, yet another random as, weirdo chapter XD I think half you guys are losing IQ points by reading this, but oh well! Welcome to my world HAHAH**

**Omg, I have a pillow with Itachi on it. I snuggle with it :D It's cute.**

**Itachi: *eye twitch* *disturbed***

**Me: ooo I have Itachi on a mug as well.. and a necklace.. and a keychain.. and a poster...**

**Itachi: *dying of disturbed...ness (new word!)***

**Haha I put that there, just to let Itachi know how much I love him.. and as proven, disturb him haha... I think I did a good job. This is simply to annoy him, because he swore at me in the last authors note! Humph!**

**I shall let you read this now, because I must go to work soon (AHHH! Not work! D:) **

**Also, thanks to those who sent lovely messages for Christchurch. Lots of love back to you. Heaps of love to those in Egypt and Japan and all these places in political and environmental trouble. Thoughts on you always! xoxox**

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Needless to say, the air was choked with tension and nerves when we all entered the house again.

Itachi practically herded the three of us through the door like sheep, making sure to close our escape option behind him before he ushered us to the living room. Andy and Emma were visibly shaking, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights of a car as they sat down on the couch. Well, what was left of it. Upon entering the living room, we all seemed to notice two dents in the wall opposite the television (one considerably larger and deeper than the other) and a couch that appeared to have collapsed from a giant object suddenly dropping on it. Kisame needed to lose some weight. If the couch could still stand after having my Uncle Earl, a giant plus size man filled with half a turkey from Thanksgiving dinner, fall on it, then Kisame obviously needed to shed a few pounds. Then again, what Kisame lacked in Uncle Earls belly rolls, he made up for in freakish height and ninja muscle.

All three of us sat on the couch, legs practically tucked up by our chests with how low it was at the moment. Andy had his arm around Emma to calm her down a bit, but turned his attention to me when Itachi took a few steps away to check on Kisame. We could hear grating sounds from the backyard, which had to be the dying cries of a poor, innocent car.

"Krissy, who are these people? Do you actually know them?"

I looked at Andy and shrugged slightly, "Well, um, yes. I did spend a few weeks with them a couple of months back."

"How ever did you convince your mother to let you do that without going bazerk?" he asked, keeping an eye on the back of Itachi, who seemed to be supervising Kisame in the backyard.

"She doesn't know. Do not tell her, or she'll string me up by my thumbs."

"Or send you to grandmother's for a week." All of us inwardly shuddered at the thought of spending a week trapped with our grandmother.

"Even my mother is not _**that**_ cruel," I told him, keeping an eye on Itachi as well. It wasn't that we were trying to stay quiet, what with ninja's and their amazingly strong sense of hearing. It was more to keep myself alert for when he decided to come back over again. I leaned in towards the two, murmuring, "To stay alive, just don't look him in the eyes. I mean it, worst thing you could do."

"What about the other one?" Andy muttered to me, "Advice to stay alive with him?"

"Tell him you're vegetarian and would never consider eating fish."

"I am being serious."

"So am I."

"I know you are, and that is the problem," Andy sighed and looked at Itachi again. "So, will you tell me how the heck he was able to punch through the metal on my car door?" he hissed at me.

"He eats his veggies. You see, it's good for two things. It keeps the mutant goldfish away and makes you extra strong."

"I mean it. Be serious, or I shall get Emma to bite you."

Emma scoffed, "Who said you could include me in this? If I bite her now, the vampire will just go for my ear again. I already have three piercings in each ear and I _really_ do not need any more than that."

I smirked, "Haha Andy, turned down by your own sister."

"Shut up weirdo."

"Freak."

"Butthead."

"Paul Blart Mall Cop."

Andy instantly began to glare, while I only smirked more. He hated me calling him that name. Andy took after my Uncle Earl, his father, genetically. About two years ago he used to be pretty overweight and worked in a shopping mall as a security guard. Even though he had since lost basically all that weight, I often taunted him by comparing him to that movie. I really had nothing against larger people like Paul Blart. Frankly I'd consider him a real snuggly huggly, cool guy. However I guess Andy was still trying to get over the whole larger size thing. He has plus sized nightmares about it.

"Low blow. That's just so low. You are a real pain in the keister, you shrivelling maggoty little-"

"Great, guess this proves they really are related," Kisame grumbled exceptionally loudly from the door as he enterred the house. This completley shut Andy up from the insult he had just started to throw at me. With his enormous height and the extra few inches due to the size of Samehada on his back, Kisame had been forced to duck through the doorway. Once he straightened up again, the menacing and murderous look that radiated from him and towards us was enough to quieten the three of us down. As he came closer to us and towered above, beady eyes staring coldly, he growled, "This should make things fun." In case it wasn't noticed, the word fun was emphasized with a steroid-fuelled amount of sarcasm.

Andy and Emma made themselves as small as possible, shrinking against the couch. I only looked up at them both. Truthfully, yeah I was freaking out on the inside. Now that I was on Earth, without that doom and death threat of 'you shall destroy the world with creepy chakra' hanging over my head, they would easily be able to kill me without a second thought.

Still, might as well go out having a little bit of fun.

"You put on weight," I stated to Kisame as I looked up at him. "I've heard of flat fish, but _fat_ fish is another thing entirely." I grinned up at him and pointed to what I was sitting on, "I mean look at this couch."

He did not appreciate the humour, bending down so he could glare eye to eye with me, "Be quiet brat."

I raised a brow, "You didn't learn a thing last time I was with you, did you? Since when did telling me to be quiet ever make me quiet?"

The top of his lip curled back, "Hm, you make a point. Maybe I should just cut your voice box out and be done with it."

"You used to like my singing though!"

"As much as hearing grating rocks echo in my ears, which is exactly what your voice does to them."

I pouted at him, letting my legs drop down from being tucked against my chest so that I could dramatically fold my arms. "You sir, have no taste in the finer arts!"

Kisame rolled his eyes, raising back up to his full height and letting Samehada drop off his back, holding onto the handle while the tip caused a small dent to form in the floor. He looked at Itachi, "So what do we do with them all, huh Itachi? Do I finally get to skewer the girl?"

Said black haired person had been observing the bunch of us, deep in thought. "Do not harm Krissy."

While Kisames shoulders visibly drooped in disappointment, I was rather relieved. Maybe the Weasel did still have a soft spot for me.

Itachi turned to look at the other two, "We have no need of them however."

My head turned to face my cousins so fast I heard the whoosh of air pass my ears. Kisame, eager as ever to be violent, had already abandoned Samehada in order to reach down and grab a hold of the other two on the couch. Hauling them up by their shirts, he gave them a toothy grin, "Well, this should be fun." This time there was no sarcasm in his voic.

"Hey! No!" I glared, instantly getting to my feet and trying to kick Kisame where his hands could not currently cup over in protection. "Put them down!"

In order to save his partner from losing his ability to ever walk again with dignity, Itachi wrapped an arm around me and dragged me back against him roughly. His grip was like a vice and it hurt. That did not stop me impersonating a worm by wriggling.

"I swear Weasel, Fish, if you hurt them then I'm gonna use the chakra to destroy you!"

Itachi looked down at me, with that usual blank, distant scarlet gaze, "You no longer have a link to the chakra."

"You wanna bet? How else do you think you got here? If you came here where I am, I can easily force you back through the dimensions and have you hop over into another one on the way back to yours. How about one where there are mutant dragonflies to eat your heads? Or fire breathing bunnies that will tear you limb from limb? If either of you so much as touches either Andy or Emma, you're going back to the worst dimension ever!"

Itachi was quiet for a moment, watching me as I threw out the threats. I was lying through my teeth at the moment; I had no clue how they got here, but if I pretended I did and threatened them, I might be able to save my cousins. For now at least.

"Kisame, put them both down."

"But you said we have no need of them."

"Until we are certain where we are, or how to return, then we are going to need a place to stay. Killing our hosts would be an unwise decision."

There was a pause, before, "Hosts? Oh hell no!" Emma shook her head, pointing a manicured finger up at them. Considering how long those nails are, they are pretty threatning. Kind of like a ninja weapon all on their own. "There's no way you can come into our home, threaten to kill us and then expect to stay for dinner!"

Kisame wasn't exactly looking too thrilled with the idea either. He turned a rather nasty glare to his younger associate. "We are staying with them? Why can't we just kill them and be done with it?"

His counter part managed to look at his associate without batting an eye in fear like everyone else in the world would have. "Because we do not know where we are or how to return. They do, and therefore can be of assistance to us until we discover how to get back. If they pose a problem, killing them will be of no consequence."

"I don't like you," Emma stated to Itachi quite clearly. She then looked at me, "Krissy, tell your crazy anime hubby he is not allowed to kill us."

I blinked, glaring at her, "Call him that one more time, and say goodbye to your hair before I cut it off." Lucky I was too busy glaring at her in a threatning manner to allow colour to rise to my cheeks over what she had said, trying to avoid even glancing at Itachi, who was still holding onto me with his vice-like grip.

"You wouldn't dare." Emma's eyes narrowed.

"Don't make foolish bets. You know I will."

"Why do we let you stay in our home? You always threaten my hair! That's it, you are being kicked out with the red eyed one and the chunk of walking fish meat!"

"You and what army will make me?"

Kisame roared loudly, "For goodness sake, will the two of you shut up before I rip out your throats?"

Both of us quit our arguing in order to stare up at the immensly angry fish. Wow, less than twenty minutes all up with us and he was already reaching the end of his rope. Man needed a longer rope.

"You wouldn't. The one with severe pink eye over there said not to hurt us," Emma told him.

Kisame leant down a little bit, giving her one of his creepy glares, "Yeah well sometimes I just can't help myself. When people start getting that annoying, I can't help but to cut them open." The look in his eyes and the nasty smirk on his face spoke the truth about that.

"You know, I don't like you either. You try anything, and I'll cut whatever shrivelled danglies you have off. You'll have to spend the rest of your life as an uke."

Kisame, obviously having no idea what a uke was, appeared unaffected by the statement, which caused Emma severe disappointment when her insult bounced off harmlessly I'm sure. If only Kisame had any idea what yaoi was. I kept a mental note in mind that if I needed to traumatise him in order to create a distraction to escape, then I would introduce him to the internet. Aka, the fangirl paradise and worst nightmare of those they preyed upon. He was probably suspecting that it was something bad though, by the way I started giggling in an evil fashion and the way Andy slapped his palm to his forehead.

With one hand, he reached out and grabbed Emma by the throat quickly, squeezing it tight enough to probably cut off most of her oxygen supply, "Do not test me. The only reason you aren't already dead is we need you to tell us where we are."

Emma, already turning the shade of Kisame's skin and scratching her nails on his fingers to try get them to release her, thrashed around a little bit. The bravado that had been in her face while teasing him earlier had drained pretty rapidly as her airways were cut off.

"Hey, leave my sister alone!" Andy picked up the nearest object and proceeded to jump up and attack Kisame with it. Sadly, it would have been a more awesome act if the item he had used to beat the ninja with wasn't a pillow. "Get off her you psycho!"

Pretty soon, Kisame once again had a grip on both my cousins; this time though he had his hands around their throats.

"Itachi can I _**please **_kill them?"

"Like hell you will Fish face! I'll butcher you and sell you to a sushi bar!" I screamed at him, wriggling around in Itachis grip a little bit more. "Lemme go Weasel! I'll bite! I'll kick! Say goodbye to restoring the clan, because I swear I'll castrate you with nothing but the hair tie you're wearing!"

The Weasel ignored my ranting, simply looking calmly at Kisame and once again shaking his head, "No."

Disappointed, Kisame glared and basically threw my two cousins onto the couch, where they proceeded to gag on the air as it rushed back into their lungs, "Count yourselves lucky."

Emma, eyes half filled with fright and half filled with fury, picked up a nearby pen that must have fallen down the back of the couch at some point, "You count yourself... lucky I didn't... have a pen...Or your... danglies... would be mounted... as a trophey." In between most of her words was coughing and spluttering. She proceeded to point the pen at him like a rather short and undersized sword. In Emmas hands, anything could be used to castrate a male when she was angry enough. There had been a near incident with a nail file once.

With one kunai in hand, Kisame easily sliced the pen in two. The act was obviously meant to frighten her and it worked well. Emma yelped and jumped back, tripping onto her backside and now holding only half a pen. "Crappers, you guys are crazy!"

Kisame smirked, leaning over and giving the two a toothy grin, "Indeed we are. If you want to survive, I suggest you tred carefully." He straightened back up again to his full height, looking about a little. "I guess if we are to stay here, we had best find out where is."

Itachi nodded as an agreement, picking me up a little and walking over to the couch, where he dropped me in between Emma and Andy into a rather undignified position. I groaned a bit, sitting back upright. "Owies. You know, stuff you Weasel."

He didn't show much care about how he'd dropped me, looking down at us with a icy glare from ruby eyes. It was about equally as terrifying as Kisame. What he lacked in height and pointed teeth like Kisame, he made up for in sheer downright creepiness. Why did I fall for the king of creepy again?

"Where are we?" he asked in monotone. It was a simple question, but it still sounded like it would be a deadly mistake if we didn't answer.

Emma was the one who answered, "In our home."

"Where exactly is that?" Kisame looked at her.

"On a road, one of many, in a city?" she replied. I don't think she meant it sarcastically, but it sounded like it and Kisames eyes narrowed.

"Just answer the question."

Emma stuck her bottom lip out into a pout, "Gees, what is your problem? You asked a question and I did answer. Just because the answer ain't one you like, doesn't mean you get to do the whole 'creepy narrow eye' thing on me! If you must know, we are in California. Happy?"

"Where would California be exactly?"

Emma raised a brow, "Seriously? The United States."

Kisame stared at her, "Where are the United States then?"

Emma chose then to look at Itachi, "You. Creepy guy with severe pink eyes. Your friend needs a head check. He doesn't know where the United States are."

Itachi gave her his version of 'I don't have a dang clue where that is either stupid lady', simply by stating, "We are not from here."

"Got that right. People don't have blue skin and gills, or red eyes and odd shaped wrinkles where we come from." I laughed at Emma. Come on, who couldn't laugh at that?

Apparently the blue skinned one with gills was not amused, because he was quick to lean down to her level and press a kunai against her throat. "I suggest you quite fooling around and just give us straight answers. Where are we, and how did we get here?"

"Look, how the heck should I know? Ask Krissy, she's the one obsessed with that Nabuko.."

"Naruto.."

"Right, Naruto, thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Right, well she's the one obsessed with the programme. Plus, you guys seem to know her. If anyone knows how you got here, it would be her okay?" The entire time she was jabbing her thumb in my direction.

Both Kisame and Itachis eyes now snapped onto me. I sent a glare to Emma, "Oh gee thanks, just dob me in why don't you? What happened to family spirit huh?"

"It flew out the window with Andy's pet parrot."

"Hey don't make jokes about Mr Crackers!" Andy protested. He had been pretty much silent this entire time, letting me and Emma dig our graves with shovels of sarcasm. When someone teases him about his lost parrot though, his claws come out.

What happened next happened very quickly. Two gags appeared around both Andy and Emma's mouths, while a very frustrated Kisames hand was twitching with a kunai held tight in its grip. "I swear if this goes on much longer Itachi, I'm ripping them to shreds. They are doing my head in." His eyes turned down to me, "If she starts talking about anything that isin't of relative use, I _will_ remove her head."

"Someone's on their time of the month worse than Dei-dei..." I swear, it was out my mouth before I even thought about the consequences! My brain isin't so good at the in between process of thinking something and deciding if it a wise thing to say before saying it.

The only thing that stopped Kisame was Itachi, who had moved swiftly in between us before the big blue, fish man had the chance to get close enough to carry out his previous threat. "We need her Kisame."

His eyes snapped back down on me, a kunai now pressed against my throat like it had been against Emma's before. It was hard enough for me to feel the metal slowly sinking through the top layers of skin, the sticky warm feeling of what was no doubt scarlet liquid rolling down my neck. "If you do not wish for your family to be harmed, you will tell us everything you know about where we are and how we came to be here. Make no mistakes, if you do no co-operate, we will kill them."

There was nothing but an icy pure, threatening tone in his voice. One even I wasn't foolish enough to try gamble against when there were other lives on the line, aside from my own.

"Okay, fine Weasel. Just move the kunai." It was a little hard to talk when one movement of your throat pushed a blade deeper into your skin. Thankfully he did move it, if only about half an inch.

I gestured my head a little over to the others, "Emma told the truth. You're in California, the United States, on planet Earth. Don't ask me how, because I actually don't have a clue, but you are now in another dimension. I don't know how why you were brought here, or how you are going to get back." I narrowed my gaze, "First thing you should know about this place, is that people don't take kindly to being threatened with weapons and death. Actually we have laws against anything of that sort. Don't go thinking you'll be able to fight against everyone in this world either. They have weapons that could blow you away in a second, no matter how great a ninja you are."

I looked straight at Kisame, "You had best think up of a good disguise as well. People in this world are simply not blue. Unless they are crazy people, or going to fancy dress as a smurf or something. Smurfs don't have gills though, so that is a fail costume. Anyways, blue is a no-no."

Looking back at Itachi, I raised a brow, "You're normal except for the sharingan. Save your eyesight and switch it off, or we'll have to buy you contacts. If it comes to that, they will be pink."

I turned my gaze back at Kisame, "And Fishy, if you are staying with us, which frankly is only happening because its better than having you two run around the street, playing creepo ninjas on randoms, then you must learn to deal with our weirdness. It runs in the family, and by darn you will not stop us!"

Andy nodded sadly behind his gag, sighing audibly and then shaking his head. Oh he knew too well about the weirdness of the family. It mostly ran on the female side.

I looked at Andy and Emma a moment, before looking up at the two, "If you stay here, and we help you live here without getting into any trouble, just until you go back, you have to promise that you won't hurt or kill any of us here, or outside anywhere on the streets. You must always do what we say, or you might get into serious trouble out there." Both Andy and Emma were nodding to agree with me, since I couldn't pretty much have a family discussion whether or not to kick the ninjas from the house. We were all in agreeance, this was probably the better and safer option for everyone though. "So, do we have a deal?" I stuck my hand out to shake.

The other two regarded us a moment, looking at each other for a while. Kisame almost pouted, his shoulders then drooping and then he sighed and nodded a little at Itachi. Clearly he didn't like the deal, because he would have to avoid using violence.

Itachi turned back to me and I then felt his fingers close around my hand tightly, giving me the handshake that symbolised our mutual agreement. He said nothing however, shaking my hand once before releasing my hand. It still felt tingly as I pulled it back. I don't know if that was because of blasted hormones, or the fact he has one _heck_ of a strong grip!

With a gesture of his head towards Kisame, the bigger man reluctantly removed the gags off my cousins. They rubbed at their jaws, bright red marks lining their cheeks where the gags had pulled against their skin.

"So... what happens now?" Andy asked, his eyes scanning between me and the two ninja. He still had his hands on his cheeks, rubbing the soreness out of them.

Emma slapped his arm, "What are you stupid? This is what we do. We stand up like so," saying so she stood, "We hold out our hands," she stuck out her hand, "And we welcome these people to our lovely home."

She always was one for formalities with guests, oddly enough.

While Kisame raised a brow and Itachi stared at her with his usual emotionless statue face, Emma beamed, "Hi. I'm Emma May, and welcome to America, you creepy ninja you. You're gonna love it here!"

America is doomed.

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(In some secret place, in a galaxy far far away... nah I kid, it's somewhere in America...)

"Sir!" The voice from some young, rather terrified looking man rang out in the small office. He might have been about twenty five, dressed up in a dark uniform that he could have only been wearing if he were proven a brave man. In this secret little organisation, they only accepted the best of the best of all military men and women.

Yet here he was, a brave soldier who had fought overseas without batting his eye once in fear, now shaking in his boots in front of the man, his superior, sitting in the office chair three metres away.

The guy was pretty terrifying to look at. He had a long slash running down his face from the left side of his jaw, diagonally up to his right temple. It didn't blend well with his skin either, a bright white against sickly skin tones that were splashed across his face randomly, as if some artist just threw his paints at the mans face and let them dry there.

His cold, violet eyes snapped up. "What?" he barked.

The soldier shook a little more. Those lilac eyes managed to scare him every time. It wasn't just their unusual colour. It was the fact he had been told what this man was capable of. Amazing things. Yet terrible things as well; especially to those who did not follow his instructions.

"Well Sir... See it's just that... well... our machines have come up with another reading."

The violet eyed man waved his hand, "Well go take care of it like usual. I don't have time for this nonsense!" He lowered his eyes back to the documents which he had been working through moments ago.

"Um, sir?"

"Why are you still here?" came the loud growl, as the eyes snapped back up on him. They were now an even darker shade, which meant his mood was not the greatest.

"Well, y-you see... The reading wasn't like the others. This time, there were two of them. They also had huge, recorded amounts of that chakra substance. Easily one hundred times the amount of the last person." The soldier recalled the last person who they went after with one of these.. chakra... readings. Hours of fire power and five dead members of their organisation was what it took to stop them. Heaven only knew what these two would be capable of.

The superior in the chair froze in thought, his dark violet eyes draining to a much lighter shade. He gripped his chin in his figners, musing to himself. "I wondered when one of the stronger ones would end up coming through."

He snapped his gaze back to the soldier, ending his musings, "Put everyone on full alert. I want this entire organisation to begin looking for these two. Keep your radars on. People with that much chakra are bound to use some of it at some point. We can track them down straight away if they use a large enough amount of it. Send as much firepower and men as you need, but do not use any of it unless forced. We don't want to have them respond badly and make a large mess of everything like last time."

"Of course Sir. Right away!"

"And alert me the moment you have them in custody. I want to see who they are."

With a single nod and yet another, 'yes sir', the young man was finally able to escape and leave his superior deep in his dark thoughts.

**~line~ d ~line~ o ~line~ y ~line~ o ~line~ u ~line~ l ~line~ i ~line~ k ~line~ e ~line~ w ~line~ a ~line~ f ~line~ f ~line~ l ~line~ e ~line~ s**

**Oooooo some drama there! Dun, dun... DUNNNNN! XD I had to. I mean I really had to make some drama. **

**So yes, Americans, you are doomed. Forgive me as well, I have now set this in California thanks to the amazing advice on California by sant04! Seriously, thanks, because as amazing as it sounds, I hardly know a thing about much in the life of the everyday American. Well, I probably do, but a lot of foods and restaurants and things are different.. not to mention the weather, and the driving on the right hand side of the road! SO WEIRDDDD!**

**Anyways, hope you guys don't mind the creepy as soldier guys Mwahaha... I haven't really seen much soldier or military things mixed with Naruto (at least ones set in our world) so I thought I would give it a shot. You can sense the drama and action already! XD**

**So please review**

**Kisame: DON'T! We do not need to encourage her! I mean there's two of her now! Emma and Krissy in the story!**

**Me: I'm not Kirssy... I'm the Me! If I were Krissy, you'd already be dead in this story from the destruction of your mind**

**Kisame: *eye twitch* I'm close to that point...**

**So anyways, omg review! The amount of reviews from one chapter *dies of happiness* It is like... amazing beyond everything! I could hug you all to death *evil grin***

**Okay so, love you and leave you. I have work now... at the cinemas! Woo, cleaning popcorn up time! BLEH! Death to popcorn! **


	3. Dressing Up and Shopping

***hiding behind curtains* IceCrystal7 isn't here.. this is her um.. twin… that is informing you how deeply sorry she is that it took her so very long to get a chapter out…**

**Kisame: though usually I am against being mistreated by this girl… I feel some satisfaction by doing this *kicking out me from behind the curtain* face your punishment!**

**ME: NOO!O!O!O!O!O! dont kill me!**

**So um, there is no real good excise for the lateness of this chapter, aside from good old writers block. As well as the fact I have been planning and preparing for a 4 month trip to… dun dun dun! America! **

**Yes Americans… I am invading your country. Do not be alarmed, it will be a peaceful invasion, and you shall barely notice as I take over the country. Hahahah! **

**Naturally, preparing for this trip took a LONG time, because I have doctors who prescribe me the wrong injections, do not give me refunds for their mistakes and yaddah yaddah more drama… but I am leaving this Sunday to head over there! I'm so excited! WOOOOO!**

**So as for the chapter… it… in short terms… SUCKS! Do not expect something wonderful… because wonderful it is now… enjoy it though… I hope!**

**Again! Sorry for its lateness! Love you alllll!**

**(magic line) _ (line) _ (wooo) _ (not really a line is it?) _ (meh, its cool) _ (don't go dissing on my line) _ (unique lines rule!)**

The next few events that happened in the household were amongst the most interesting I can say that I have ever witnessed. Seeing how Itachi and Kisame had no idea how they had arrived here, it was probably going to be a while until they figured how to return. Needing a place to stay meant naturally, our house had become the sacrifice so that they wouldn't be out terrorizing the rest of the world. What with having two extra people now living in the house, we were also going to have to rethink how we would all manage to... survive would be the correct word.

Thankfully it was a large house with two extra guest rooms. I was all for dumping them both in the living room, but the couch was dead and if left to sleep on the floor, all Kisame would have to do is roll over and it would be dented (the fatso). So Andy assigned them bedrooms.

Kisame was given the larger room with a double bed that he could actually fit his body size on. It also happened to be the one that was furthest away from where me and Emma were in the house, mostly for safety and sanity measures. Itachi was given the smaller, plainer one, used the most rarely. I think even though it was a smaller room though, Kisame still lost out. The room we had given to the Fish was the one always reserved for my grandmother when she came to stay. It was pure pink and white, dotted with wallpaper flowers, lace, china dolls and evil woodwork puppets. To preserve him some dignity, the sheets at least were a dark blue colour. It was sort of amazing, how a woman who could scare away Chuck Norris with a wave of one frilly laced, pinky finger, could produce a room so... girly. Hastily we removed all the glass bottles of perfume and makeup on the cream dresser, before Kisame considered choking us to death with the flowery scents.

The worst thing about Itachis room was the fact it was next to mine (the horror!) I mean, I could open the door and take only one step before arriving at his door. There was only a foot thick wall separating us for goodness sakes! Someone out there hated me. A lot.

Kisame was sent out to scope out the area, to assess dangers and all things like that. In the meantime Itachi was both keeping an eye on us three, as well as checking out everything in the house. Everything was pretty unusual for him; from the air conditioning to the telephone (seriously, they had movie theatres in the Naruto world, but they relied on birds to send messages?)

When Kisame returned again, he couldn't report any immediate danger. He did look quite intrigued by everything outside though. I wouldn't blame him, seeing how different it all was. I just hoped he had been super sneaky, otherwise there would be reports of a bright blue shark jumping roof to roof on the news tonight. Overall though, I think he found out the main thing they both wished to know: if there were any other ninja in the area. Well, there might have been, but nothing like what they were used to. Unable to recognise any landmarks, he was also able to rule out that they were in an area that might cause problems for them. For some reason they thought that they were actually in the region of Suna. Be a monkeys uncle if I know why, although I have a feeling it was to do with how hot the weather was.

From what I heard, he had also uncovered absolutely zilch in the way of clues about how the two of them ended up here. I heard him saying how he had not detected another chakra presence for miles, aside from his and Itachi's. No extra-dimensional portal chakra, no other super strong ninja chakra of a person who wanted them out the way… there was squat diddle of a chakra sign anywhere. Which was great for us, not. If they couldn't find any clues about how they got here, how the hell would we get rid of them?

For now though, we focused on a different problem. Andy had needed to go out to buy groceries for the three of us who had been in the house this morning. With five here now, it was safe to say that we were in more desperate need of a cupboard stock up. However, a brilliant ancestor of ours had purchased this house years ago, not realising that the fact it was on a hill would one day have such severe consequences. The shopping mall was around four miles away (I had to say miles, because Americans did not use the metric system... weirdos) and we were now without anything to drive us there. Actually, that was a lie. In the outside garage was an old motorcycle that used to be used by Uncle Earl, until he began to fear he would crush it when he sat on it. It was one of those overly powerful bikes though, with a big engine and no thought put in by the people who designed it that it might one day need to have space to carry groceries. The next option was calling a taxi, which was out of the question. Just thinking of fitting Kisame in a taxi with some poor driver was enough to decide against that.

The third option was an old buggy of Andys. He had been fixing it up for years now after buying it from a junkyard, but it still wasn't quite ready to drive. Although he did try to claim different, for which Emma pretty much pulled the, "I would rather have all my hair shaved off and sew it into a pair of socks to wear at a Christmas party, than get into the rust bucket."

"It's not a rust bucket! Old Daisy can get us there fine!"

"It's not getting there I'm worried about. It's getting 'Old Daisy' to drive back up the hill with five of us and groceries in the back."

"Five?" Andy nervously looked towards the two ninja that were calmly standing and observing the battle to decide how we were to obtain food. "Oh no, they are not coming in Daisy. You saw what they did to Ralph."

"Who is Ralph?" Kisame asked.

I told him, "Ralph was the car you uh.."

"Mutilated beyond hope of redemption!" Andy answered.

"Yeah. That thing you decided to stick your oversized tampon through. Andy likes to name his cars. He's a bit of a freak like that."

"Like you're one to talk Krissy," Andy pouted. "Besides, unless we tie the big fish to the roof of the car, we won't all fit. I still haven't put the front passenger seat. We could leave them here while we go shopping?"

Itachi monotoned, "We will not allow you to all leave our sight. There is a chance you may attempt to run. We will accompany you until we are more familiar with this area, and are certain you will not try anything foolish."

I looked between them all, "I'm all for tying them to the roof. We can make them pull the car back up the hill!"

"Like that wouldn't scream suspicion that they are a bunch of freako, creepo ninja," Emma rolled her eyes and jabbed a thumb in their direction, "Besides, even if they aren't pulling a car with three people and a heck of a lot of groceries in it, those outfits will make them stand out anyway. Oh, and the red eyes and blue skin. That's a dead giveaway as well."

Andy looked at the two in the cloaks, "She's right. We can't take them with us. They'll stand out like a nudist with priests." A quick glance at the dark look he was given and he swiftly changed his sentence, "I mean, we can take them with us. Not in Daisy though, we'll just have to walk it."

Emma looked heartbroken, "You know I hate walking other than on a tredmill." It was true. Unlike her brother, Emma was gifted with the good genes that always kept her figure slim and pretty. Her fitness was a failure however.

To pull his sister out of her depressed slump, Andy quickly came up with a brilliant idea, "They are going to need new clothes though. You can give them a makeover when we reach the mall and pick them out some outfits. They are going to need something that doesn't stick out so much if they are staying here."

I swear, Emmas eyes lit up brighter than a star, "A makeover! Yes!"

"That girl is doing nothing to me," Kisame stated, staring at Emma in distaste. He flashed her a snarl with his pointed teeth.

"Oh, put those chompers away Fish," I poked his arm, much to his obvious displeasure. "Remember, you need us to survive in this world. Believe me, they will turn you into a tin of sardines without us."

He turned his glare down at me, "If it came down to it, I'm sure we'd survive if all of you three were accidentally beheaded."

"Okay guys, let us calm down a moment," Andy cut in as Kisame and me began to gear up for a good old 'Krissy-teases-while-Kisame-gets-annoyed-and-threatens-death' session. "Save any old issues with each other for after the shopping. Right now, if we are going to get along, I suggest we get this out the way. We need food and you two need clothes that will help you blend. So we are going out, now." Although he didn't look too happy about taking the other two out with us in public, they weren't exactly going to just let us leave and possibly flee for our lives.

Emma folded her arms, "Well, they can't go out looking like that. Do you have any clothes to give them for now Andy, until I can redress them later?"

Andy looked over them with a strained expression. "Well um, there are no guarantees that they are going to look very stylish. I can give it a shot though."

Hesitantly he led them into his room, disappearing for a little while as me and Emma waited on the remains of the couch quietly. It was during this time Emma decided to turn to me and start an interrogation, seeing how it was the first time we had been left unsupervised. Itachi had made sure that we would not be able to contact anyone though, by actually removing the phone from the wall and placing chakra paper bombs by the doors. Sneaky bastard.

"Okay missy, spill. How do you know blue boy and pink eye?" Her face was scrunched up into a slight glare, "Come on. Speak you child of annoyance."

In the fastest amount of time, I told her everything. Well, everything about me being zapped to that world, a few details about what happened there and coming back. I didn't mention anything about the torture (she would freak) or about that one kiss (she would freak and die of fright.)

"So, you got taken into an anime series in another dimension? And those two are super dangerous ninja criminals you just happened to land on, before they kidnapped you? Wow." She shook her head, "You know, I'm surprised you actually survived long enough to get back. I don't trust that creepy fish to sleep in the same house with us and not slit our throats. You sure keeping them here is a good idea?"

"No. Then again, here is better than running around and causing ninja havoc."

"I guess that is true. What happens if they decide we are expendable and to remove us? I like my life. I don't want a walking sardine that went through a killer growth spurt to end it!"

The conversation ended with a door suddenly opening upstairs and footsteps on the stairs. Two people emerged. The first was silent, while the second was very vocal.

"What kind of clothing is this? I feel ridiculous!" Kisame grumbled before coming into view just behind an Andy that looked like he went through hell.

I had to be dramatic about it. I mean, after seeing what Kisame was wearing, I couldn't resist. Covering my eyes with one hand, I waved my other one towards him in a panicked way, "My eyes! My eyes, they burn! Oh dear lawd, someone help me! Gouge them out and erase my memory! What kind of punishment is this?"

Kisame glared at me, "Shut your mouth girl, before I fufil your request and rip your eyes out their sockets."

In a way I guess I did feel sorry for Kisame. He was dressed in the biggest, baggiest t-shirt that Andy still had left from when he was many sizes larger. It was a very old and faded Alice Cooper shirt, with a few dark stains dotted across it. Andy was a huge fan, so when Emma had tornadoed her way through his room to rid him of his old clothes, he had obviously hidden it away. Accompanied by some old, faded blue jeans that were torn at the knees and many inches too short, plus his ninja shoes (as they were the only shoes that would fit his size flippers... I mean feet) Kisame looked like a wreck. But I felt more amusement than pity, so I laughed.

He kept tugging at the cloth of the shirt, "Who or what is an Alice Cooper? She looks too masculine."

Andy pouted, "Hey, Alice Cooper is a legend! _**He**_ is the best ever! Now don't you dare destroy that shirt, it's an antique."

Emma was frowning in disgust, "I'll say. I thought I got rid of that years ago! Mr Fish, please do me a favour and rip that into shreds when you are done with it. I mean seriously Andy, that chocolate stain is from six years ago! Ew! No, he needs a makeover and badly. Speaking of which..."

Her voice trailed off as she took a step back in order to look Kisame once over, "Um, so the clothes are at least partway okay, in a disturbing horrid way. It's the blue skin and gills that I worry will stand out though. There is no way I have enough cover up to, well, _cover up_ all that blue!"

Kisame sighed, with a rolling of his beady little eyes and pressed his hands together into a few hand signs. For Emma and Andy who had never seen a jutsu, it freaked them out. Both jumped back as in a poof of smoke, Kisame suddenly turned from a giant walking fish ball, into a giant but human looking fish-ball-in-disguise. He turned his head, glaring with dark brown eyes and with a mop of dusty coloured hair. "I hate this form."

"Pffft, at least now you look halfway decent," I commented while trying to work past my giggles at how ridiculous someone of his height looked in those clothes, even though he was no longer blue. Actually him not being blue kind of spooked me out. There was still something beady about his eyes though, as well as a few indents in his cheeks that showed where his gills usually were. Instantly he retreated to the bathroom so he could glare at himself in a mirror.

I looked to Emma, who had been staring at Kisame with her lips pressed together in though intently. I waved my hand in front of her face before jumping on her from the side, "Hello! Earth to cranberry head!"

She waved my hand off after snapping out of her trance, "Oh leave be. You know better than to disturb me when I'm trying to mentally pick someone out an outfit!"

I looked between her and Kisame, "That better have been the only thing you were mentally thinking," I muttered so only she would hear. "I know you aren't making googly eyes at the googly fish you crazy cranberry head."

"Ew, no. Besides, I'd have to carry a step ladder around with me all the time, just to reach up to him to slap him in the face when he annoyed me. That would require exercise that I will not be a part of, thankyou very much." She shut up when said fish returned to the room, staring. "Andy, you take fashion to an all new low. Did you know that?"

Andy pouted, "Oh shut up."

"Gees, if you did that to the big one, what did you do to the skinny, pink-eyed vampire?" Skinny, pink-eyed vampire. Wow. I'd have to remember that one. Emma is brilliant at times.

The one she was talking about had just at that moment emerged from the stairs. I stared for a while, and then burst into an even bigger fit of laughter than I did with Kisame. I was literally rolling around on the floor in tears.

Andy in body size was exactly in the middle between Kisame's size and Itachi's. If Kisame was to wear what Andy could fit currently, it would be so tight it might rip. Kisame was lucky in the fact that Andy still had some of his older, bigger clothes. Itachi apparently was not so lucky to get clothes in smaller sizes.

He was dressed in knee length shorts (well, they were at mid shins for him) and the smallest shirt Andy could have found. Everything was too baggy for him. He looked like a coat rack which clothing just happened to be draped over. Andy had actually resorted to safety pinning everything up so the clothing would stay up on him and not fall off his body frame. He too was wearing his ninja shoes. Standing together, the two of them looked like the fashion rejects from space.

Emma was staring with her lips curling up at the edges, "I don't know whether to laugh or to cry." Her eyes snapped onto Andy, "What did you do to them?"

"What? They wanted to come with us. This is the most normal I could do. Deal with it," he grumbled. With a quick flick over at the two, he tilted his head, "Besides I don't think they look too bad actually. Normal enough at least. Apart from one thing. "

Disappearing for two seconds into the depths of his room, Andy then reappeared holding a pair of black sunglasses in his fingers. Nervously, he held it out towards Itachi, "Um, you. Dude with the really scary eyes... uh?" He paused, prompting for a name.

"Itachi Uchiha," was the cold monotoned response he received.

"Right. Okay Itchy..."

"Itachi," he firmly corrected.

"Itachi. Well um, your eyes stand out a little bit. Bright red isin't exactly normal here."

"It's not normal there either. Weasel, turn the sharingan off before I get a toothpick and pick your eyes out! I will not have you trying to put little old ladies to sleep in the supermarket!" I pointed a finger at him, "I mean it. Anyone drops down, I'm blaming you two and then calling nearest security to have you locked up in a cell full of fish and weasel eating creatures."

Itachi looked at me, clearly unwilling to give up his sharingan, especially considering he was about to go outside into a foreign land with foreign people. He did however close his eyes a brief second, only to reopen them as a dark, coal colour. I was sure that it was probably just a genjutsu, disguising the sharingan so he would both blend, as well as remain as observant as a man with dulling eyesight can be.

"Good boy." I clapped my hands together happily. "Now do pink!"

He turned his head away from me.

"Hey, don't snob me! You can't snob me! Come on, you've been without me for a year, surely the least you can do is make your eyes turn pink?" When he continued to ignore my request, I pouted and poked his arm, "I see you haven't gotten any funner in the time I've been gone. We'll have to work on that."

I then eyed out the human Kisame from the side, "I think you would actually suit red yano. It would go better with your mood, seeing how you're so cranky half the time."

Kisame glared, before turning a much nicer shade of pinkish, reddish. I smirked with a grin, "Oh look at that! There we go! Such a pretty shade."

"Kisame..." Itachi warned his companion in a low tone as the disguised Fish clenched his hands into fists.

With a glare down at Itachi for stopping him from doing anything, the ex-Fish decided to look away from me, "Are we going or not?"

"On the condition that no-one is harmed during this whole ridiculous ordeal, that I still cannot believe I'm allowing to happen," Andy stated. I think part of him was still thinking this was all some wonderful dream.

"As long as you do not attempt to run," was the response.

With everyone now at least looking a little better to go out, Andy suggested that we leave as soon as possible. It took a lot of persuasion to convince Kisame that carrying a seven something foot sword around would not work in our favour, seeing how it didn't exactly blend in. Reluctantly on our part, they were allowed to take a few of their weapons with them. Not that we had a chance of stopping them from taking them anyway. Although Andy made sure that they had hidden them well. It only proved the fact though that if any of us three tried to get away from them, we were pretty much doomed.

I think this whole ordeal had really brought down both their egos and dignities. This was almost too easy, bullying them and torturing them into ridiculous outfits and doing what we said. I knew the only reason why the two criminal ninja were allowing us to do this, was clearly out of caution due to the fact they knew almost nothing of this world. All they really knew of it was what me and my crazy family had shown them so far, which wasn't really a lot. I could see all their dignity just going down the closest toilet when we got to the mall.

Once they knew a bit more about how our world worked, I'm sure they wouldn't turn out to be such pushovers.

Which meant I had to convince Kisame to put on that frilly pink tutu (and claim it was national dress, that he had to wear it) pretty fast.

It was mutually decided to walk the distance in the end (much to mine and Emma's great dislike... it was the men who chose to walk.) Setting out, it was almost like we were on a quest of some sort; we kind of were, in order to find the other two outfits and also obtain food (plus a tutu for Kisame.) Food was the most significant outcome of this quest.

Itachi and Kisame trekked behind us, taking in all the surroundings quietly. I dare say, it was a lot to try and absorb, considering how different a city looked to the world they were used to. Roads were concrete, there were cars driving everywhere. Buildings looked different, planes were flying overhead, people passing by wore different clothes. Heck, it was probably a huge culture shock for them.

Deciding to be social, as well as the fact that I could actually annoy them and they were stuck with the deal to cause me no harm, I skipped back towards the two. Standing right between them, I looked up at Itachi and then Kisame. "So, how did you two get here?"

"Why don't you tell us?" Kisame growled, his eyes locked straight ahead of him.

"Nah, it would be much easier if you told me. You didn't happen to push any magic, portal-opening buttons did you? Frankly, that would not surprise me. You two have that look of, 'I'm going to push any evil button that could possibly end up in havoc' about you. See why no-one trusts you? Apart from the creepy, 'I'll kill you first before I push said evil button' vibe you give off, I think that is what drives people away."

"Would you leave me alone. Go back over there with your annoying relations."

"Hey I heard that you flipper footed, fashion reject from hell!" Emma crossly stated from a few feet in front of us. Walking for a distance of more than a mile (unless it was shopping in the mall) made her super cranky. I'm not surprised that she snapped, although the fact it had only been half a mile so far meant the rest of the trip was going to be better spent talking with the ninja.

"What did you call me?" Kisame growled at her.

"Flipper footed, fashion reject from hell," she replied. It was less confidant than the first time though, and a visible shiver at the death look Kisame sent her so obviously unnerved her.

"Emma, you should have added 'thick headed' to the front of that sentence. Tip for future name calling," I delightfully told her. Seeing Kisame start to turn that lovely shade of red again, I decided to switch sides of the path and make sure that Itachi was placed between us.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I poked and prodded at them, they took up a wall of silence after that (though Kisame desperatly struggled to keep that silence.) Most of the time their eyes were skimming across everything they passed, hands already balled into fists and on high alert. I think they half expected to be stopped and a fight to break out with some random person who recognised them.

I felt super sorry for the poor man who bumped into Kisame accidentally while we waited for the walking green man at an intersection. He came up behind and tripped a little. It took a kick in the shins from me to make Kisame put him back down again. The man who had, for a brief moment, left his normal life two feet on the ground below, very quickly sped off before Kisame could have another go at him.

"See Fish, that is just not a good way to blend," I grumbled to him while crossing the road.

"It was reflex."

"Your reflex is stupid. I wish your reflex would make you turn around and give people cookies and hugs; not the 'attempt to kill' thing you always do. Gees, so violent. Bet you have part piranha in you somewhere. That would explain so much."

The two ninja were on high alert the moment they stepped out of the door of our house. Once they set foot inside the mall however, I think they went into a sensory overload. The amount of people, posters flickering with neon lighting, shop upon shop of everything imaginable. By the way their shoulders stiffened, I actually become slightly concerned that if someone pointed something sharp in their direction for even one second, that they would spring and attack out of jittered nerves.

"Right," Andy turned around and faced all four of us behind him. "This is going to be weird. We are going to take Itchy and Key-sam.." Wow. We needed to work on getting Andy to pronounce their names correctly. Itachi was swift to correct him again on how to pronounce the two names.

"Itachi and Kisame. Right. Well, okay then. We are going to go and get you clothes, and then we are going to go shopping. We shall do this all normally, alright? No fuss, no ripping things apart or whatever it is you do okay?"

They nodded quietly. Down went the ego balloon, plummeting to the earth. Two ninja, ordered around by a mall cop. Bet no-one saw the day coming.

It got even worse when Emma stepped in. She was terrified on the inside of the two ninja I was certain. She avoided any sort of contact with them, and though she occasionally would insult them (that was just the fact her brain and mouth were not connected) she was obviously nervous near them. However, once they had touched one ninja-sandelled shoe inside of the mens clothing department, it was like a hurricane of clothes sparked up in the store. Luckily they were good at catching things thrown at them. Emma literally was tossing shirts and trousers at them to try on.

The best moment was when she tossed Kisame a pair of big black jeans, ordering him, "Try these on now!"

Kisame, who looked pretty much ready to kill every person in range, gave her a disgusted glare before hooking his thumbs into his trousers. It was only when a moment later Andy gave a startled gasp and pointed at the mens changing rooms, that Kisame realised that Emma hadn't indicated for him to start stripping in the middle of the mall. With a dark look, he still stalked his way off to the changing room, scaring all other people out of his way with ease.

"Skinny one. Do you prefer black or blue?" Emma asked Itachi as she held up two pairs of jeans, "Actually, we might as well get you both. Go on, go try them on!"

This whole thing went on for what felt like forever, alternating between Itachi and Kisame going into the changing room, while the other stayed out to keep an eye on us three. They had probably sent out clones of themselves to look around the place as well if I could guess correctly; after all, they were super sneaky and suspicious.

We called it quits on making them try on clothes when Kisame forcefully shunted a rack of clothes out of his way so that he might escape the clothing nightmare. That put a downer on the 'put Kisame in a tutu' idea.

After filling up at least three bags of clothing each and then shoving them into the arms of those they were now for, Andy marched all of us to the supermarket. Seeing how Kisame was already on edge enough from being forced in and out of different sorts of outfits, we decided it best to leave him outside the supermarket. It was also decided that someone had to stay behind to babysit him. We ended up leaving Emma with him. Yes, it was not the most brilliant of our ideas. Andy had the money though, and frankly if they had left me with Kisame alone, the possibilities of whatever might happen were endless. Itachi was of little help in the supermarket though, seeing how half the food that was offered on the shelves wasn't anything he was used to. Nothing unusual happened though, sad to say. I kinda felt rather sadistic when I actually thought it would be cool to see some big ninja fight break out, with eggs, frozen goods and all other items meant as food rather than weapons went flying through the air.

So it was, that after two hours of the weirdest shopping experience I can say I have ever experienced, we were finally each saddled with our own lot of bags. Though me and Emma had the fewest of them though, it was quickly evident that we were not the fastest moving creatures when we were lugging huge hulking lots of groceries with us. Especially when it came to the hill. Gees, going down it was bad enough trying not to slip on loose cracks in the path. Going up it was even worse. While the two ninja strode up at full speed, easily tackling the steady incline without the slightest hint of being winded or tired, the rest of us were falling behind. Andy, who previously had been taking the walk quite well, was now joining the ranks of me and Emma. That translated to crawling on the floor, dragging the bags of shopping behind us pathetically. Well, just about.

Soon enough me and Emma forced a timeout, dropping to the ground. Emma was a flushed pink colour that went quite nicely with her auburn hair. I'm sure I was no better, as we both joined in the race with one another to be the first to fall flat on the floor in exhaustion.

Kisame was soon upon us, "Hurry up. We don't have time to waste to leave you two lounging on the ground. Get a move on."

"Gees fish. Get your green undies out of a twist and give us two minutes. It's hard work walking up a hill with all these groceries!" I pouted up at him, using a not-so-frozen-anymore mini pizza to fan myself with. Curse this hot weather. The sun was not merciful today.

"I agree with the ditzy one, though two minutes my ass. Make it five," Emma firmly added.

"Make it two seconds or else I will drag you." Kisame was obviously over stressed from today.

"You wouldn't. Remember I kick and scream. Now imagine that, but doubled. The cranberry has an even louder voice than me."

"I do not!" Emma protested, quite loudly and pretty much proving my point. She realized this and pouted, "Oh how I do hate when my relations prove me wrong."

Andy, who was nervously watching as Kisame grew more and more annoyed with each passing moment, prodded up with his feet, "Come on get up."

"Kick me one more time Andy, and I swear I shall force feed you with McDonalds every day until I go home," I warned him. Andy gulped and fell silent. He hated McDonalds. Even the letter M brought back some bad memories. I guess it was that whole large person thing. I swear he has a phobia of the fast food place.

Finally Itachi stepped in, standing above us, "You both will stand up and continue on. We will resort to other methods of moving you otherwise."

"Weasel, your methods usually involved tying the person up and dragging them along. I guarantee if you do that here, it shall be noticed and then you shall be swarmed by armed officials. So no cream bun for you by, you lose out," I grinned and went back to flopping. Damn it felt good being able to tell these two I wouldn't do something, and they couldn't do anything about it.

Well that is what I thought, until Itachi gave Kisame a knowing look. The giant man nodded, passing his younger associate all of the bags he had been forced to carry, before leaning down and picking me and Emma both up. Throwing us up in the air a moment, we both shrieked before landing uncomfortably on the rather bony, but still overly muscular shoulders that belonged to him. Stringing the handles of the shopping that me and Emma had previously been carrying through his hands onto his arms, before then using his hands to ensure that we could not wriggle away, Kisame then began to continue the trek up the hill. Itachi followed right behind him.

Andy was staring flabbergasted at the sight. There was me on the left shoulder, Emma on the right, both of us kicking around in an attempt to get free. Of course, Kisame's brute force meant that we couldn't break his grip. It was just our luck too that no-one was driving a car past to witness this event and call the police. I'm sure this counted as something alike to kidnap. Although technically he was just taking us home.

Still, his shoulder was not a very comfortable place to rest upon. I was well used to having to travel by shoulder, after all the times they used to throw me over their shoulder when I was last with them. I also was well aware that trying to break free of a ninjas grip is an almost impossible task.

That didn't stop me and Emma from trying though as well kicked and wriggled around. Emma was jabbing her hands in all sorts of spots over his back to try find a weak area, in a hope that he would put her down. She also attempted to knee him in areas men do not want to be struck by an angry woman. Me? Well I attempted to bite him on the ear, but he realized my intention and shifted me further over his shoulder so that I couldn't reach. I joined Emma in beating on his back.

Soon enough though, we were arriving back home. Andy opened the door and allowed Kisame to trudge in first, allowing Itachi to enter after and finally shutting the door behind himself.

Kisame, the ever loving huggable fish, dropped me and Emma heavily on the ground like a bag of potatoes. Dumping the bags we were carrying on top of us, he snarled, "I suggest you both sit down and stay quiet, or I will beat you with the closest object that I find."

"Well gee, someone is obviously not a happy shopper," I murmured.

Emma looked up at him with a glare, but she said nothing for a moment, before, "Fine. I promise at least I will behave. However, both of you go get out of those sins of clothing that Andy put you in, or I will keep talking."

He grabbed her collar and yanked her up to his height. "You will do no such thing, unless you want that lovely little voice box of yours ripped out. I have had enough of this."

"Kisame," Itachi warned in a low voice.

Kisame turned his lip up at Itachi, dropping Emma and then walking back off down the hallway out of our sight. A few seconds later, there came the almighty loud sound of a door breaking off its hinges, accompanied by the cracking of wood that made us all jump. Okay, maybe we did push Kisame a little far.

Itachi, who had already dumped the bags he was carrying into the kitchen, was watching as Kisame pulled his hand out of the door, blankly. As the giant man rounded the corner out of sight, Itachi turned his gaze onto us.

I think the look he gave us was by far more frightening than just hearing our door be split apart. He quietly walked towards us, and me and Emma were raised up in the air by a single hand gripping our collars. "If you two wish to keep our agreement, then you will not treat us like we can be bullied about. This may be your world, but we are more powerful than you. We control what happens, and you will respect that. I will not hold Kisame back in the future. Understand?"

Wow, Itachi was dark. I mean seriously, some octopus had come and sprayed him with black ink or something. Maybe it was an internal stress from being dragged out of one world and into the hands of a crazy group of people (believe me, I knew how it felt. Been there and done that!)

Emma nodded timidly, "Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

Me? "Just tell the fish to take a chill pill. If you're going to be living with us, you need to actually suck it up and get used to it Weasel. Or…" I let the amusement and uncaring sound to my voice drop, "Just kill us now and save yourselves the trouble."

Most would call that sticking their neck out on the chopping block while the axe was about to fall on it. A lot of me wasn't sure if Itachi would actually kill us or not. I can't say it would overly surprise me if he did. However, in my heart of hearts I knew he wouldn't. I mean, the guy had kissed me and then let me escape. People didn't do that if they didn't at least care a little bit, right?

Itachi stared at me for a while, his face blank as ever except for the minor crease of his brow. He then glanced over to Emma and back at me, "I will not kill you. I do not speak for Kisame's actions. Consider yourselves warned."

And just like that, he turned around, taking his bag of clothing with him and disappearing to no doubt start up some long relaxing meditation exercise, in order to purge all thoughts of us from his mind.

The next thing I felt was two slaps up either side of my head, accompanied by two angry faces filling my view.

"What the hell were you thinking you idiot! He could have killed us right then!" Emma growled.

"Relax carrot. I knew he wouldn't."

"Oh, and how did you know that? In case you didn't notice, the sun doesn't exactly shine out of either of their asses now, does it?"

I shrugged, "I've spent enough time with them in the past. He's alright, unless you really really piss him off. Just, don't do that."

"And the big blue one?" Andy asked. "I mean, you seem to annoy him more, even though he looks like he is about to rip your head off. Seriously Krissy… Emma you too… don't push your luck. I know you say you've had dealings with them in the past, and they haven't killed you, but I like you both alive. I'm not entirely sure you making a mockery of them is going to keep things that way."

Looking at Andy, I gave him a huge grin and a pat on the shoulder, "No worries Paul Blart. Worst comes to worst, just offer me as a sacrifice. Trust me, the Fish will love that."

"No. We are not doing that."

"Well I can think of one thing at least that we shouldn't do again," I mused.

"That is what? Teasing them. Taunting them? Calling them names and trying to knee out their family jewels?"

"Nope!" I grinned. "Never ever, take them shopping again!"

**(another line of awesomeness) _ (yeah, I know, it's dumb) _ (still) _ (rock on funky line!) _ (woooo! head bang time XD) **

**Can I express how much I actually hate this chapter? I mean, it doesn't feel right to me. But I have been at it for like, over two months now, and frankly it is not going to get any better. So um… hope you enjoyed it anyway. I do know where I am going with this story. It is the fiddly in between parts I'm working on!**

**Itachi: It sucked..**

**Me: :O Itachi you meanie! T_T It wasn't all bad was it?**

**Kisame: *reading it* you were going to put me in a tutu? How low do you sink?**

**Me: Underground and beyond… besides, I think you would look nice in a pink tutu.. very flattering for you *wink wink***

**Kisame: *grumbling insults under breath***

**So anyhoooo! I shall try update soon, but omg, this time it will probably be from America! Unless I get my lazy butt in gear and spew out another bunch of mindless dribble in the next few days!**

**So toodle ooo! Love you all for reading this, though I found it terrible beyond belief!**

**Cookies, your favorite ninja boys underwear (not Orochimarus… he doesn't wear any I have been told… by chicken butt head HAHAHAHA), and hugs!**

**Americans… if you find a funny, giant white girl with an NZ accent wandering around and looking both lost and dazed, then ask if I'm IceCrystal… if I say yes, prepare to be hugged…**

XD


	4. Cheetos and Singing

**LOOK! I AM BACK! AHHH! IT IS AMAZING!**

**Okay guys. Guess where I wrote this? Go on, guess! Can't guess? If you said America, you are slightly right. Technically it is on an airplane flying over America. That's right. I have invaded! **

**Omg omg omg! It is SO different! Yellow school buses, fire hydrants, WALMARTS!… TWINKIES! Carl's Jr, all these random things… the heat though! How do you people survive? The poor NZ girl is frying to a crisp here! (Then again I'm used to at most around 20 degree heat… celsius… whats that in your funny farenheit thing?) XD Omg I've been buzzing out ever since I got here! XDXD **

**Oh, and Itachi and Kisame are here with me on the plane too. They refused to sit beside me, so I put them both in crates and stuck them in the cargo with all the suitcases…**

**Itachi: This is humiliating….**

**Kisame: *completley smooshed inside of the crate* Help… Fish needs AIR!**

**Me: *evil grinning while relaxing with a can of pepsi and assorted airline chips* too bad! next time you know to ride with me!**

**P.S. Theres a very nice air hostess called Anne who talks to me. People, if you travel on an airline in the future, talk to the airline staff. They are so amazingly nice once you actually start talking to them.**

**Anywhoo, time to go and die of heat in the land of America! Ahhh!**

**To the story! (EDIT) By the way, this whole commentary was written ages ago, like months... so I'm putting a warning in now, cause this chapter was written over so many months, I don't like it... lets hope you do! I love you all for returning!**

**- _ - _ - _ - (who) (loves) (pie) line line line (I) (love) (pie) line line line (who's) (a) (dork) line line line (you! lol) - _ - _ -**

Evening came soon enough. Emma, Andy and myself and had all been left alone downstairs, while the other two were plotting and planning who knows what upstairs. We didn't dare to disturb them. Actually, a couple of times we tried to figure out if we could sneak out of the house or call someone without our ninja buddies knowing. Turns out no. The phone lines were dead, as was the internet (how did they even figure out about the magical box known as the computer?) All the working cellphones had disappeared too. Well, Andy and Emma's had. Since the incident with T-Rex, my old cellphone which Itachi had broken last time I had been stuck with him, I had not yet acquired a new phone. I felt rather bad too, because it was probably only due to me telling Itachi what a cellphone was when he had first met T-Rex, that he knew to take away the others phones.

We had actually attempted to leave the house as well, only to find a strong force across every window and doorway, repelling us back inside. I could only guess it was a chakra barrier placed up to make sure that none of us ran outside and screamed for help. So we were trapped so to speak. At least this was a pretty comfortable prison. We knew where everything was, and a few good hiding spots if push came to shove that we needed them that desperately.

Kisame reappeared after about an hour of cooling off in the fabulous pink room we bestowed upon him. How that didn't drive him even more nuts, I won't ever know. I've had to stay in that room before. The pink drove me insane within five minutes. His skin was its funny blue shade again, gills included. He was dragging Samehada behind him as he came down the stairs, which wasn't much of a confidence booster in proving that he had sufficiently calmed down enough not to try attack us. Reluctantly on his part most likely, the Fish was also now wearing the new clothes picked out especially for him.

I'm not going to go into depth and say Kisame is my cup of tea men wise. I don't do the whole kinky, blue fish man thing. However, I will admit that he actually looked pretty good in jeans that fit him, coupled with a dark printed shirt. Maybe it was just because it was different than him wandering around wearing a giant tent with clouds and sleeves. Or wandering around half naked around the lair. I had seen him once without his shirt on, back during the good old days when Tobi and myself decided to bring havoc upon the Akatsuki lair. Fun times. Though seeing half a naked fish man was one of the worst things I have ever seen. My eyes nearly burnt out my skull.

Though even looking semi okay in normal clothes, he gave off a really good, 'Mess with me and I will hurt you' vibe. Emma practically clawed her way to the edge of the couch away from him (the same couch which was still in a broken heap on the living room floor) when he walked into the room. She gave him a rather short thumbs up, with a 'Fish boy, uh you look, um, good?"

Kisame, ever charming, gave her a grumpy upturn of his top lip before crashing down on the closest seat and looking over at the second person in the room shaking in their shoes to see him. Andy of course. "I am bored."

"Um, well uh… what do you, normally like to do?"

"I like a good fight, some bloodshed. It's entertaining."

Andy was obviously unsure whether or not he was being serious. I decided to aid him by delightfully saying, "There's a 'no blood' rule in this house. Our grandmother came up with it, and she reinforces it with a terrible punishment. The Spoon of Wooden Death. Don't make me bring it out Fish, because I will."

He ignored me, instead taking a greater interest on the moving pictures on the television screen. I know he probably wasn't too overly intrigued by it, because if they had movie theaters in the Naruto World, then they had to have something like television somewhere along the lines. I think it was the moving block of cheesy looking sponge giggling away on screen that caused him to appear so confused, raising one brow in question. "What is this?"

"Spongebob. Your great aunties, nephews, twice removed cousins, brothers, uncles stepson-sponge in law," I answered him almost immediately. Pointing at the screen, I happily announced, "I think you get your cheerful attitude from Squidward, your smarts from Patrick and your whistling ability that inhabits your sleeping patterns from Spongey himself. The only thing is he's yellow, and you are blue. Plus he's fun. Actually, you're fun, but only when you're really really annoyed. Otherwise you're pretty boring. I question how much of the funness in Spongebobs genes were passed to you."

"And you make me question why I came downstairs into the vicinity of your voice," he retorted.

I batted my lashes at him in a girly, sweet fashion, raising my voice an octave higher, "Because you looooove having me around. I keep you entertained!"

Kisame answered that one with a sneer and turning his head back to the giggling, hyper animated relative of his on the screen, who was at that moment running around screaming, "Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!" His answer, "This is ridiculous."

"Your face is ridiculous." When Kisame looked back at me to sneer, I added, "Though, the outfit I will give you, is quite suiting. Good job carrot." The last bit was called to my fellow evil-in-law cousin, who had gotten up from the couch and was currently hunting down treats in the kitchen by the sound of it. Possibly to keep as far away from danger as possible.

Emmas voice indeed did waft in from the kitchen, "There are knives in here. _Sharp _knives. I swear, one day Krissy I will use them!"

I saw the fishes lip turn up a little bit as if to say, 'Get in line.'

I grinned, leaning my head back to look at the kitchen, "You wouldn't dare. There's the no blood policy remember. You will face the wrath of our wrinkled monster."

"Yeah well, Grandma dearest is in another country."

"Huh, like that would stop her. Chuck Norris couldn't stop that woman." I then turned my head back to Kisame, "So where did Weasel face get to?"

Kisame looked back at me, "You don't need to know that."

"Just so you know, if he's tearing apart our rooms searching for clues and he goes through my underwear drawer, I will not be a happy camper. It shall be dangerous for him as well. For one, I will attack him violently for being the perv that he is. Another thing is I keep socks in there which I have not washed for ages, so they will probably have mutated by now and attempt to leap out and eat him."

"Krissy that is disgusting," Andy commented.

"No, it is called the miracle of creating life. I, Krissy, have discovered how to turn dirty socks into living organisms that shall become a mighty army at my command. Fear my power. Mwahaha!" Cue the throwing of the hands in the air in an evil genius fashion.

Andy just rolled his eyes, and said nothing more. Whether it was from complete disgust or he didn't want to encourage me, who could tell?

Emma reappeared in the living room, a bag of Cheetos in her hand and sitting down on the armrest beside me, obviously not wanting to sit towards where Kisame and his oversized sword were resting. It was me she should have watched out for. Instantly I was upon her, "Cheetos!" They were about the only American food I had developed an unhealthy addiction for.

"Nuh-uh. Mine!" Emma stated, moving them out the way.

"Aw come on, share!"

"No." She thwarted my attempts to grab at the orangey bag of goodness by lifting it above her head, pushing me down with her spare hand, "These are mine."

"I shared with you last time I had Cheetos."

"You gave me one. _One._ That doesn't count."

"Says who, the Cheeto Police?"

"I say no, and no means no Cheetos for you!" Emma was continuously trying to keep them out of my reach as I climbed on top of her to try get the bag. Yes, I get that desperate over Cheetos, in their orangey, plasticy cheesy glory.

The next thing that happened was it rained Cheetos. I mean that quite literally. Kisame, obviously sick of how our bickering had gotten increasingly louder, had thrown a kunai in frustration at the raised bag of Cheetos, splitting it open. As Cheetos cascaded down upon us, both me and Emma could only stare at each other, the split bag with a kunai stuck through it into the wall behind, the Cheetos surrounding us on the couch, and then finally at Kisame.

I remembered a Doritos advert from a while ago, when a couple of blokes had taken the bag of Doritos out of a guy named Tim's locker. They died a nacho chip related death for taking them. See, Emma is like Tim. She gets very protective over her Cheetos. That does not stop me trying to take them off her and eat them, but even I know my limits when it comes to Cheetos and Emma. Destroying the bag like Kisame just did is just asking for trouble. It did not matter how much he scared her. Mess with her bag of chips and you are going down.

"Why did you do that you jerk?" She yelled, picking up a handful of the cheesy snacks and flinging them across at him.

Instantly he was on his feet, and in the single blink of an eye he was leaning over her dangerously close, a menacing look in his eye, "I dare you to try that again."

Emma was now leaning back against me in an attempt to get away from him, shaking slightly. I didn't blame her, the Fish was a huge hunk of muscle that created this big wall of scary death potential. She looked frightened, but to give her great credit, she still had a stubborn and fierce look on her face as she raised a hand to point at him, "If you are living in this house Sardine boy, then I'm telling you now. No-one messes with my Cheetos."

Kisame kept his dark menacing look on his face, sneering a little bit. It was quite possible that he might indeed throttle Emma over a cheesy snack, and it certainly looked like he was going too until his head snapped around to the doorway. He drew back away from Emma and the couch where we two were sat, while I immediately picked up Cheetos and flung them into Emmas face myself, "There are better things to get beaten up over rather than Cheetos. Save that for dinner okay? Dumbwad."

"Shut up Krissy."

We both looked up to where Kisame was staring at the doorway. We had failed to notice the appearance of the Weasel; it was uncertain whether or not he had witnessed the Cheetos incident or not. Kisame had moved away from us pretty fast, likely in an attempt to flasify the appearance that he was not actually about to throttle us over a bag of chips.

I couldn't help but freeze for the moment when I laid eyes on Itachi, tongue stuck for words. Hormones, a glitch in my brain or whatever it was that controlled my crazy feelings, were suddenly at work all at once. Itachi was standing there in jeans and a simple shirt. His ninja pouch was still tied to his side with his weapons and his headband was still on his forehead. However, minus the cloak and ninja clothing, he looked so different. For one he actually kind of looked approachable. There was something about wearing normal clothes, and not having a tent shrouding him all the time, that made him look really good. I think I had a fangirl moment in my head, before I caught myself and forced myself to remember the actual situation at hand. Which was that we were still trapped and Akatsuki prisoners in our own home. Only if they killed us, they were going to look much more stylish doing it.

Kisame spoke first, "Did you find any of the chakra?"

Itachi gave a small jerk of his head, indicating a no, "I did not. Whatever chakra brought us here has already become too faint for me to trace and use. We shall have to wait until we sense large enough amounts that we can use to take us back."

"If we don't ever find any amount large enough-?"

"Then we are trapped." Kisames head dropped when Itachi said that. I think Andy and Emmas did too. Apparently a slumber party was not on the top of their 'What I want to do with you today' list. Actually I think it was really close to the bottom of it, in the 'Things I really do NOT want to do with you today' area.

Kisame immediately pointed at me, "You sure it wasn't that creature there that somehow dragged us to this place?"

Itachi gave a shake of his head, "I have already checked all three. There is no traces of the chakra on any of them. They are not the ones responsible for why we are here. I have managed to determine though that the chakra used originated from this dimension. Someone else is possibly capable of using great amounts of chakra in this world."

"You really thought we wanted you as permanent house guests Fish-ma-bob?" I asked Kisame. "So, who else could have brought you here? You guys don't pop over this side of the known universe just to have a house party with someone I don't know, do ya?"

"Hmph, no," Kisame answered flatly. He turned his head back to Itachi, "Why would someone drag us here though?" I refrained from telling him because it was of his 'charming personality'. His top lip had curled up into an unhappy look, "I don't like this."

Itachi said nothing, his red eyes glazing over a moment with thought. His face looked as bank as ever, but even I could see clearly that he was uncomfortable with this as well. "It may be a coincidence. Or it may not. I cannot tell."

"Well!" I announced loudly, standing up and interrupting the thought bubble of conspiracy theories, "As much fun as it is sitting here, amused by the fact you are now the ones with a possible crazy powerful ninja in our world after you… I am hungry. Andy, do we have frozen pizza?"

"Uh, probably."

"I threw my hands up victoriously, "Yeah, pizza bro! Boys get ready for the greatest American food known to Earth!"

Kisame blinked and stood up, "Oh no, I refuse to let you be the one to make our dinner." His hand almost instinctively went to his stomach as he remembered the great muffin incident. It was a fantastic moment at the Akatsuki, when Tobi and I had made what was to be some of the greatest muffins ever. I had accidentally mixed up the ingredients and used Zetsus stomach powder for helping bowel movements. Kisame, included with Hidan, Deidara and Kakuzu were all greedy asses and ate them, and they had suffered greatly after that as punishment. I shall mention the ever lovely sounds of 'trumpets' and that pretty much explained what happened with the muffins. Ninjas really needed to buy label makers though.

"I'm not making dinner. That is the wonder of 'Pizza of the Box.' You need not make it, only to bake it!" With a thumbs up, I chuckled, "I should be in commercials. Hey Fish, wanna be my sidekick in them? We could come up with the cutest of outfits for you to wear! And I could do your hair again. You could use the genjutsu, and prettify your funny fish face, it would be marvelous… getting off topic. If you're so concerned with the crazy idea that I would purposely poison you, then you can watch, alright?"

He pretty much had little choice in the matter, because I was already skipping into the kitchen to put on the pizza. Relucatantly he stood up and followed behind me, just to be 100% certain that I didn't sneak anything into the food.

Digging through the freezer, I managed to scrounge up three boxes of pizza. Luckily the kitchen contained a large oven, probably installed in order to handle the Thanksgiving turkey that Americans seem to love so much. I made sure to open the pizzas, place them on the baking tray and put them into the oven while in Kisames full eyeline, so he wouldn't suspect me of putting anything in them. Somehow I actually think he thought I would purposely poison him. Nah. Now, if Emma and Andy hadn't have hidden the box of laxatives, that would be a different story. They didn't trust me after an unfortunate incident at a family reunion early last year. We didn't end up seeing much of our dear old Uncle Earl that day in the end.

Once the pizzas were in and cooking, I faced the terrible time of trying to figure out what to do next. Spongebob had ended, to my utter terror and dismay. I switched on the radio instead, hoping some lively tunes would give me something to do while I waited upon the pizza.

Kisame had not left my side once throughout the kitchen. Obviously he figured this was the room I could do most damage in, so therefore was the room in which I should be supervised the most. He eyed the radio suspiciously as voices began to float from it once I switched it on. It was the station of some overly crazy radio guy who I could just picture wearing only his underwear and a clown wig everytime I heard his voice. That was why I liked this station best of all. The music wasn't bad either. Mostly it was lively and upbeat... and at this current time, a perfect opportunity to both entertain myself and annoy Kisame at the same time. As usual.

Kisame had absolutely no time to ecscape before I cranked the volume up, grabbed myself a shiny silver spoon and leapt towards him, pointing directly at him while singing into said kitchen utensil rather loudly, "_**Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one! Hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend!" **_

His face was priceless. A mixture of horror, disgust, shock and fear rolled into one package was crossing his face as I danced about him, singing along to Avril Lavigne on the radio, air guitar rifts included in that.

"She's like, so _**whatever!**_" I pretty much yelled into his ear, in my fabulous sounding singing voice. Okay, everyone has learnt by now that my vocie is not the best. Not the worst; I can hold a tune if I want too. It will not win X Factor though. "You can do **so much better**! I think we should get together **noooow**!"

At this point in time, my big blue buddy decided to leave the kitchen and return to the much more quiet living room. Lacking my object of mockery, I grabbed a second silver microphone, aka another spoon, and jumped into the living room. The music thankfully could still be heard quite loudly from the other room. Rather than attacking the fish, I decided now would be a nice time to turn on my own flesh and blood. Draping myself over the broken edge of the sofa, and over Emmas left shoulder, I yelled into the spoon, "Hey hey, you you!" The spoon passed from my hand to hers quickly. Emma was my singing buddy, usually screaming out the songs at the top of her lungs just like me. However today she seemed rather reluctant to sing. Perhaps due to the presence of our two house guests. They were WELL too used to my singing, so I didn't really pay it second notice whether they cared or not.

Singing actually passed some time pretty fast, and soon enough I was retrieving the pizzas from the oven. Kisame had reluctantly got up again to shadow my movements. Itachi had at some point sat down on one of the free chairs, eyes closed and obviously entraced by something, becaue he didn't move or even twitch. Seeing how someone apparently had to watch me, Kisame was the chosen one out of the two.

I quickly cut the pizza up into slices, careful to make sure not to Emma too much (because she doesn't want to get a big 'muffin top') and being kind enough to serve Kisame a little more. After all, he is a big sharky boy. He needs his food or he might eat the walls or something. He was staring down at it with a mistrusting eye, obviously not getting the point of the pointy triangles of food. "Ah come on Fish, if you can eat day old rice balls you keep in your pocket with who knows what, then you can certainly eat pizza!"

I carried out Emmas and Andys for them, placing them down by them with forks. Who the hell eats pizza with forks, I don't know. My family apparently. Weirdos. I returned to the kitchen to grab my plate and Weasels, plus a fork for him. He is a bit of a weirdo too, so maybe he would want to us a fork as well.

Placing my plate gently down on the armrest of the couch, I strode over to where Itachi was sitting in his hypnotised state. "Weasel. Pizza..."

When there was no response, I used the blunt end of the fork to gingerly poke his cheek, "Weeeasel."

Again there was absolutely no respone, so I continued to poke his cheek, adding a word in between each poke.

Weasel." _Poke_. "Pizza." _Poke_. "Food." _Poke. _"Alive?"

It was after then when I was just about to poke him in the cheek yet again with the end of the fork, that his hand snapped up and grabbed onto the middle of the fork, his eyes snapping open to stare at me in their normal onyx intensity. I stared at him for the moment, before grinning, "Oh you are awake! Good, I was about to switch to the sharp end. Food, look! And I promise it ain't poisioned, because the bag of fish guts would not take his eyes off me the entire time. Stalker that he is."

With that, and before he could say anything, I skipped back over to plonk my ass down on the rather low couch, and started munching my pizza. Kisame had returned to the chair, which I beleived he would now claim as his for the entire period of his visit, because it was huge, cushy and the furthest seat from the rest of us. He was eyeing the pieces of pizza slices on his plate for a moment, watching the rest of us eating and slowly started to take a few bites. Itachi had just gone back to meditating or whatever he was doing. Pah, his loss.

The evening passed quickly, to my surprise. Our first evening as a group, I figured it would be all fun and teasing and non stop happiness at the sudden reunion. Sadly no. Once the pizza was eaten, where Itachi had like, two bites and Kisame almost ate the plate because he was enjoying the pizza so much, the television entertained us for all about half an hour. Then Andy announced very loudly about how tired he was (liar) and wanted to head to sleep. Seeing how there were already likely to be booby traps and chakra barriers around our house to sense if we tried escaping, Kisame and Itachi were happy enough to let him wander upstairs.

Emma soon followed, pretending to yawn and stretch, "Well today has been fun, but me and Krissy are beat. We're going to bed. Night."

I stared up at her, "Tired? Nu-uh, I'm not tired. I have plenty of catching up to do with these two. And ghost stories. I have a great one about tuna fishing for our big blue tub of sardines over there."

She laughed, one of those high pitched annoying ones she always did when it was fake, "Oh Krissy, you're so funny. Trying to stay awake when you're clearly about to fall asleep on the chair. Ahaha! Come on, bed time."

Pretty much I had no choice, because she grabbed my arm and dragged my butt upstairs. I pouted at her, ready to taunt and interact some more with our unexpected sleepovers guests. She however was all too eager to ditch them.

As soon as she reached the top of the stairs, she peered down at me, "Krissy, I'm staying with you tonight."

"Me? Why are you invading my personal sleeping space?"

"Because there are two crazy people downstairs, one who isin't even human. I don't trust them not to slit my throat in my sleep. I would feel much safer if I was with you, because your loud mouth could scare them off." The look in her eyes was the reason why I said yes. She looked scared still. Andy had looked the same. I didn't blame them really, those two were pretty scary. I just didn't treat them like that, because it was much easier for me to tease rather than to fear.

We set up a little camp on the floor in my room, surrounded by a fortress of pillows and mattresses, with all the furniture and stuff like that pushed to the side. I had spotted my sketch book on the bed, closed in the same position I had left it, thank goodness. If Itachi had indeed been in here, I think I might have collapsed of a heart attack over him seeing the sketches in there. Drawing cute guys is one thing, but when they discover you're drawing them, sometimes it is better to die than face them again. Immediatley I slipped it between the mattresses of the bed, out of sight.

Emma was sprawled out on the blankets on the floor, a pillow over her face. She had not even bothered to change into her usual pyjama set, I think because she was rather against wearing short nightdress with two extra men in the house. I didn't blame her, because I didn't want to wear anything less than my shorts and t-shirt combo with them around. I don't parade around in my underwear, but in this weather anything close to it I will usually wear.

"Arrghhh!" That was the garbled excuse for a cry that came through the pillow, muffled into a non-sensical sound.

"What?" I asked, poking her in the arm with my toe as I sat up a distance away.

She removed the pillow, puffing a strand of hair from her face, "I can't sleep. I want to sleep and wake up to find that I fell out of the attic, hit my head pretty hard, and this is all just one huge hallucination from the drugs you probably gave me, because you were too cheap to drive me to the doctors."

I scoffed, "Give me a little faith why don't you. Of course I wouldn't drive you, because your crazy American driving is on the wrong side of the road, but still... I would have made Andy take you."

She groaned more and put the pillow back on her face. I heard the distinct mumbles of, "Sleep, sleep," through the material.

"It's not like you to want to sleep before your nightly grooming session yano Emma. The whole hair washing, makeup ritual thingy you do in the bathroom for hours."

The pillow was moved for a while, "The bathroom is located next to a dreadfully pink bedroom, which currently contains a giant blue man with gills, which I do beleive might try and rip my heart out through my chest if I go anywhere near there. I am going to hide in here, sleep and hopefully wake up in the morning to find him gone."

"Ha, good luck with that one," I told her, flopping down on the blankets next to her. "Trust me, it was days into weeks I was hoping to wake up and find out them two were a dream. That didn't happen."

Emma turned her head down to face me, holding the pillow over her stomach. She looked flushed, probably from having the pillow pressed agaisnt her skin and the fact it was so warm in here. The windows were open, but there was no breeze. We were relying on a tiny fan to keep us from dying.

"Krissy, how long do you think they will be here? If I'm honest, they terrify me. I haven't even seen their worst ninja moves yet, all I've seen them do is pretty much talk or threaten us, and throw a few of those sharp knife things. Don't even get me started about Andys car! Are you sure they aren't going to kill us?"

I shook my head, "They wouldn't. They need us, because otherwise they haven't a hope of blending in on this world. The Fish especially." I chuckled a bit and punched her on the arm gently, "Just sleep and don't worry about it. You'll give yourself early wrinkle lines."

She scrunched her nose up a bit, "Why are you so calm about this?"

Shrugging, I rested my head on my hand, "Probably life experience. I've been stuck with them before, and conditions were _**way**_ worse last time. At least this time we're home, and not being dragged off to who knows where." I could distinctly remember how Itachi and Kisame dragged me around the place to their hideout. It wasn't much of a fun journey.

Emma sighed softly, "Alright then. But if we get murdered, I'm going to torture you in ghost form forever."

I grinned at her, "Deal. I'll be able to grab and eat all your ghost chips."

"Oh shut it with the New Zealand commercials and let me sleep."

I smiled to myself, "Night Carrot."

"Night pain in my ass."

"Yours and everyone elses."

She fell asleep faster than me. It was likely the stress of the day catching up on her. I could feel weariness seeping into my bones as well, and really did want to sleep as well. I couldn't help feeling now that these two were here again, I had this constant idea that I was being watched. I guess it was pretty much some subconcious thing, seeing how last time I was with them I was pretty much under constant supervision. A quick scan of the dim moonlit room proved though that it was just us two in here. Maybe I was paranoid, seeing how there was a certain Weasel sleeping only a few feet away from me.

Why did I keep thinking of him so much? It had driven me nuts over these past few months to have him plague my thoughts so often, when at the time I thought it hgihly unlikely that I would ever see him. Now I had seen him again. I could only guess at whether or not those last few moments we had with each other all that time ago would make any difference to how he treated us. So far, it hadn't.

Sleep tugged at my brain more, so I rolled over and stared out the window until I started to drift off into the land of slumber. We'd see how things were in the morning.

I could almost swear as I fell asleep, I saw a dark figure with red eyes pass my bedroom window.

_(s)(t)(o)(p)_(t)(a)(l)(k)(i)(n)(g)_(t)(h)(a)(t)_(b)(l)(a)(h)_(b)(l)(a)(h)_(b)(l)(a)(h)_

**OMG YES! I realise how late of an update this is! Like, months and months have passed by since I started writing it! Forgive me!**

**Kisame: IT LIVES! HOW? WHY? CRAP!**

**Okay so as you all know, I've been in America. Yay! It was lovely, but I'm glad to be home again 8D Your funny American ways are just too complex for me to understand... Plus you tried to kill me America. At least the weather did. Dude, got washed out by hurricane Irene! D: I now have a lovely bit of an American road as a token of my survival hahaa. P.S. Support to those who got affected by it. Oh and the flooding... got hit by that too. Yeah, American weather hated me. Even the sun crispy baked me! I've gone from white to brown!**

**So, yes. Enough about me jabbering on about how your country wanted to kill me blah blah blah... (PS I hate your dairy products, just putting that out there... plastic cheese, ew much? okay now I'm done hahaa)**

**I have finally managed to get back to writing again. Cause I started this chapter MONTHS ago, as I said, it went wonky a little and I didn't like it. Do I ever like any of my chapters. Ah well. I promise there is some good stuff coming up, because I have had a LOT of time to figure out where its going. **

**So stick around! Kisame, Itachi, it's work time again!**

**Itachi: ... Piss off...**

**Me: :O i gave you months of vacation... you should be worshipping me for that!**

**Itachi:... no... *sharingans* **

**Me: *got sharingan proof glasses from America* I am prepared...**

**I love you all! Thanks for coming back to deal with me ! 8D**

**LOVE AND PIE FOR ALL! what flavour? PIE FLAVOUR! *pie flies out of a pie* **

**PS. If you didn't get the bit in the story about 'Ghost Chips' go look it up on youtube. haha, pure NZ comedy right there.**


	5. Early Mornings and Taxi Rides

**Yo. yo. yo yo yo. Like a yoyo! Yeah ;) **

**Little bit of randomness to distract you there. I know it has been far too long. I can't really make excuses other than.. *points at University* IT IS YOUR FAULT! UNI! WHYY! *points at work* AND YOU! YOU STEAL ALL MY FREE TIME! RAWRRR!**

**So yeah… anyone who studies any Health profession in college or university or in a bungalow on a beach (don't know) will be able to sympathize with me about how little free time you have. And how much you have to work in order to pay off loans. I have no free time for almost anything. Except studying. BORING! My motivation is almost at zero I am afraid. **

**I miss this story though. I still have the plot all in my head, just missing a few gaps here and there. I'm working on getting it progressing, but for now I just want to make sure that I'm posting and giving you guys stuff to read. I can't promise anything too soon, but I shall try *said that last time and it took months***

**BY THE WAY! HAS ANYONE SEEN ITACHI OR KISAME?**

**They escaped… I came back to their cage and they somehow picked the lock. I knew I should have corked the Fish's teeth. While you lot are reading, I shall see if I can find them… **

**Much love, and enjoy the dribble!**

**(love)(me)(hate)(me)(give)(me)(a)(cookie)(random)(words)(blah)**

I woke in the morning rather suddenly to a high pitched scream. It instantly jolted me awake, and if I had been sleeping on a bed, I most certainly would have tumbled out of it in a most ungraceful manner in my surprise. Blinking, still not fully awake, I stared bleary eyed at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 6:43. Oh hell no. I never wake up before 7! This is a disgraceful way to start the day! It was quite bright outside the window, sunlight alright streaming in, but that was due to the time of the year. The same time of the year which had already started raising the heat and humidity in my little bedroom, at this dreadfully ungodful hour!

Slowly I dragged myself out of the mess of blankets and opened the door to track down the source of the screaming. I knew who it was, considering it was decidedly a feminine scream and the only other female besides myself was Emma. Coincidentally she was not in the mess of blankets where she had been sleeping all night, and therefore not in the room. It was simple math to figure out it was her scream, coming from outside the bedroom. Now I just needed to find out why.

I had no need to track Emma down in the end, because as soon as I opened the door wide, she ran into me hard. Both of us slammed into the ground, her on top of me and me underneath with a now very sore tailbone. "Ouchies." I glared up at her and slapped her off of me, "Emmadoyouknowthe time.. Itstoodamnearly! ahhhh!" In my sleepiness it all came out as one big slur of words. I'm not a morning person. Many an alarm clock has died in the past trying to awaken me from my slumber. Even my parents knew better than to try wake me up before I wanted; they used to use a really long poking pole.

She blinked up at me owlishly, "There is a big blue fish wandering around in the hallway..."

For a moment I tried to comprehend what she had said, "Uh... Fish?"

"Yes, it's big and blue, has this giant sword and... oh crap... please tell me that dream about ninja coming to stay in our house was not real. It was just a dream wasn't it?"

Wow. I can't believe she actually had managed to convince herself yesterday was a dream. Still tired, and cranky from being woken, I decided to be mean to her.

Patting her on the shoulder gently with a big smile, I told her in a reassuring way, "Don't you worry Emma. It was just a dream. There is no such thing as big, ugly blue Fish men. Especially ninja ones with giant swords."

She sighed in relief, "Oh dammit that is good... I actually thought this dream I had last night was real. It felt real. Honestly, I could swear right now, it will appear behind me, like in one of those horror movies..."

"Why are you two nuisances lying in a doorway?" A grumpy sounding voice appeared over the top of us, and we both stared upwards to find a blue face staring down at us. He had a brow raised a bit, and an annoyed look.

Emma screamed again and I slapped her on the arm, "Emma, shushes! Gees, put a cork in it or I'll put more than a cork in it for you."

Kisame chuckled darkly, "Violent this morning are we?"

I pointed up at him threatningly, "I have been awoken before 7. In that time, I turn from normal Krissy into her evil mutant twin. I bite, I kick and I will scratch eyes out. Now go away before I beat you up for making Emma scream and waking me up." Sticking my tongue out at him, I rolled away from Emma and got up to my feet to glare at him more. In the morning my hair is always a messy bush, my eyes rather bloodshot if I am woken early; I can look quite like a viscious beast, and I use that to my advantage.

When I stood up, it was only then that I spotted Itachis door open. He was sitting cross legged in the middle of the floor staring out and watching the scene with his usual blank look, eyes closed. He looked like he had been sitting like that for a long time. It was a rather creepy thing to do. It was even more creepy when I spotted a bunch of markings all drawn out around him in red. I hoped he had found the tomato sauce downstairs because otherwise that looked like a lot of blood on the floor. Plus it would have stained the carpet for good.

"What are you doing Weasel? Is there a reason you have ruined the carpet?" I stared at the marks drawn around him. It looked like some big summoning circle."If you're trying to summon a vampire from beyond the grave, then I will admit all the blood is a very good start. Unless you're trying to summon Edward Cullen. Then you better have Bella tied up somewhere in the cupboard. Oh, but if you're trying to summon him to act all fanboyish then let me start by saying I will strap you both to a cannon and shoot you off to Neverland. If you're going to teach the sparkly glitterbug a lesson, then go ahead. Try not to stain the carpet too much though. It's so old it probably would come to life and might try to rip you apart if you do too much to it. Just like my socks."

He made no response. He didn't even open his eyes. I ignored him and then started stumbling my way back through the door to my room. Overstepping Emma, I mumbled, "Need more sleep..." With that I flopped back on the bed.

Kisame must had been in a mean mood too this morning and sensed his chance for revenge, because he overstepped Emma as well and grabbed the back of my shirt, hoisting me up, "I'm afraid not. I was on my way to wake you as it was. We have use of your familiarity with the area."

"Later. Sleep..."

"No, now," he responded with a smirk, making a move to drag me out of bed.

Instantly I grabbed a pillow, twisting my body and hitting him over the side of the head with it. Or attempting to. Okay, it might not have been the usual weapons that people were trying to hit him with, but his hand snapped up and stopped the soft item touching him but holding his palm out flat against it. "You don't really have a choice in the matter."

"Like hell I do. Put me down or death by pillow it is Fish. That is your choice in the matter."

He just flipped me up over his shoulder like the old times, walking out of the room. Pillow in hand, I started belting him as hard as I could with the item. It is a shame it wasn't harder, because I don't think the gentle pitter patter of feathers hitting his back was really affecting him too much. I stared down at my cousin, who watched the giant blue man walk back out my room with a dumb expression on her face, "Carrot! Help me you darn veggie you!"

Emma, with not clue what to do, came up with a brilliant plan to slow him down. I don't mean that sarcastically. It actually was seriously brilliant, and amazing because it was something I had never thought she would have the brains to think of, or the guts to pull it off.

She raised her hand.

Kisame stopped dead when he felt it.

She had pinched his butt. Hard.

There was a moment of stunned silence between the three of us there. Emma in horror for what she had done. Kisame in horror for what she had done. Me giving her a big thumbs up and grin for what she had done. "Nice. Little bit over the top Carrot top, but uh, good."

Kisame, with an absolute mortified glare on his face, as well an an expression of shock over something that probably did not happen to him too often, turned around to face her. He was probably going to come up with some over the top statement about what had happened. Either that, or he was going to grab the nearest heavy object and hurl it. However that one pinch seemed to have shocked him too much for his reflexes to be normal, because as he turned his head, I brought up the pillow to slam him right into the face.

"Aha! I win! You got socked by the pillow, so now you need to put me down!"

His face snapped around to glare over at me, and I 'eeped' with a hasty, "Emma pinch him again!"

Emma shook her head fiercely, "Are you crazy? What the hell do you mean again? Once was enough!" She squeaked and scuttled back when Kisame reached his hand down to hoist her up to his eye level. There was a seriously dangerous glint in those beady little pupils. The colour drained out of her face, so she looked like a skinny white pole topped with a bright red patch of hair. Coincidentally, she might soon be covered in more red...

"Kisame, enough." Ah, the voice of reason was alive again.

Itachi was staring at us, his eyes blood red as he stood up in the centre of the circle and walked out of it. Kisame dropped us both on the floor, regarding Itachi as he walked out of the temporary room he defaced with (hopefully) tomato sauce.

"You better have had some luck locating this chakra source Itachi, or I swear I'm going to-" Kisame didn't need to finish his sentence. His teeth gnashed together and twitching eye was plenty clue enough to his mood. Though there was a slight purple tinge on his cheeks, which I assumed was supposed to be pink. Coupled with the blue hue of his skin, it made a very pretty light purple.

"Fish, you're blushing! Emma, your pinch made him blush! I knew the Fish was a perv!" I giggled. The sight of Kisame blushing was pretty rare, and no matter what mood he was in, you could not pass up an opportunity to tease him when he blushed. As it was, he was going an even deeper purple now, "Oh, he's like a chameleon! Changing colours. Gotta say, you're best at blue, but purple works too."

Kisame growled and was about to say something when Itachi stepped in. He lifted both me and Emma up by the backs of our collars, first flinging me into my room, "Get yourself ready. We are leaving in five minutes." He then turned and dragged Emma down the hallway by the back of her collar and repeated the action, tossing her into her room down the hallway. I guess that was his way of both separating us from Kisame, and getting us to prepare to go out.

"Gees, you could have asked!" I grumbled loudly, rubbing my tailbone as I pulled myself up to my feet, "I'm not a bloody ragdoll! You don't need to throw me!" With that I slammed the door behind me and grumpily fell facedown on the bed. My morning was going absolutely splendidly. I get woken early, and now I am going to be made to go outside, all before 7am! There is no justice. It should be against the law to be allowed to wake up this early.

I managed to pull myself off the fluffy mattress and wander over to the drawers, pulling out a clean change of clothes that would be acceptable to wear today. Knee length shorts, a comfortable tank and light throw-over was plenty enough. I'm not Emma; I don't need fashion to survive. As soon I was dressed and ready to go out, I did what any normal person would do. I grabbed the blanket off the floor and curled up in a ball on the bed again. I so did not want to go out this early.

A knock came on the bedroom door, "Hurry up in there." It was Fish.

"I'm not ready!" Well I was, but I wanted to spend longer curled up under the blanket on the bed.

I heard the bedroom door open, and familiar fishy footsteps started to enter. Attempting to stay as still as I could, I rather hoped he assumed I was just a bundle of blankets and not find me. Pah, yeah I know, it was stupid to hope that. I mean, the bed was in plain view from the door. "Five minutes have passed. Hurry up."

"I'm sorry. Your nagging could not go through. Our unit is suffering from mechanical sleep deprivation. Please leave a message at the beep, and try again in three hours. Beeeeeep!" I do an awesome mechanical sounding monotone by the way.

Refusing to move, I then heard his annoyed sigh and suddenly the blankets and me were moving. Gathering around me in a bundle of limbs and sheets, he held all four corners rather like a sack to throw over his shoulder and I felt him start walking out of the room. I tried kicking around, but I daresay that did very little. "Lemme out! I'm not comfortable! Gah!"

Believe it or not, he didn't think of putting me down. Shocker. I felt him walk down the stairs, because inside the blanket I bumped against his back ever slightly with each of the steps. Unable to tell where we were going, I huddled up as much as I could in order to try a flying leap at escape.

Escape actually came really quickly. I was dumped right on a very cold, hard concrete ground, right outside the front door. Rubbing an even more bruised tailbone, whose meeting without the ground was made only a little less worse by the padding of the blanket, I grumbled and got to my feet, dusting myself off. Looking inside the doorway with a glare, I saw Fish grinning rather happily. Behind him followed Itachi, Emma and Andy, all waiting for me to move from the doorway.

With a loud 'humph!' I turned and started walking down the pathway, "Well hurry up slowpokes! Gees, I thought we were wanting to leave in a hurry or something?"

I could sense the eye rolling behind me, but the others followed behind pretty quickly, shutting the door behind themselves. I turned back around once I reached the pathway at the side of the street, looking back to see Kisame was now in his human disguise. "So, where are we going? What is obviously so important that you need to drag us out at this forsaken hour of the morning?"

It was Itachi who answered the question. He strode past with Emma and Andy following directly behind him, talking to all three of us, no-one in particular, "We need a secluded area; one which has a large open space that no-one is likely to intrude upon, and preferably higher ground."

"Oh it is brilliant you weren't asking us to bring you the moon or something hard," I cheerfully pipped at him, rather sarcastically. He obviously did not know how many people were in America. Every time I had gone out to any park anywhere in this country, there was always people swarming everywhere.

Andy and Emma were thinking. They knew the area far better than I did anyway, seeing how they had lived here their entire lives pretty much.

"Clovertip Ridge," Andy finally said. "It is about the only place that no-one ever goes to, because it is so out of the way and so high up. It takes forever, so hardly anyone ever bothers."

Itachi nodded at him, "You will take us there."

Emma shook her head, "Do you have any idea how far away that place is? It is at least twenty miles outside the outskirts of the city, at the very least thirty miles away from where we are now. Since the good car was can-opened, and Andy's crud of a car 'Daisy' is certainly not going to make it, how the heck are we meant to get there?"

"We can make thirty miles in just over an hour," Kisame grinned, "Perhaps slightly more, weighed down with you all."

Emma blinked, shaking her head and waving her hands in front of her, "Oh no. No no no. You are not carrying me and running there!"

Andy came to her rescue, and mine (I didn't want to spend thirty miles on a Fishes shoulder) by pointing out that running faster than the normal speed of a car with people on your back, just screamed and begged for attention. As they obviously wanted to draw as little of that to themselves as possible, both agreed it would be best to think of an alternative method.

"How about we, dare I say it… take the UFO's?" I asked Emma and Andy.

As predicted, Emma's nose wrinkled in disgust, "Ew no. I am not taking the UFO's there. Chances are walking there would still be faster, and what if we get mugged or something riding them? I read in the paper two days ago, some woman got mugged while no-one else helped her!"

"Two answers for that statement. First is, we have the two easily scariest dudes in all history with us. I am not going to worry about muggings. The other thing is, seeing how Daisy won't get us there and we want a low profile, we don't have a choice really."

Andy nodded to agree with me, "For once, Krissy is right. The UFO's are the only way we're going to get there."

Emma looked pathetic, "Fine. I hate UFO's though." I think my face looked just as pathetic. I hated them just as much as she did.

Kisame regarded the looks on our faces, "And what are these UFO's?"

"Unidentified flying objects. The ones that contain the aliens that were going to come and capture your fishy brain, remember?" I told him. "Actually, for us three, it means 'Un-Faithful-Ones'… otherwise known as the public transport system. Never on time, never any room, possibility of robbery and death every time you use it. The horrors of it all."

"We could always take a taxi?" Andy suggested.

We all thought about it and nodded. A taxi was likely to be the best option, rather than shoving either of the other two into a bus, with that many people. "Taxi it is!"

After a couple of minutes convincing the two of them to allow us to use the phone, under very very close observation we called ourselves a cab. Ten minutes later, a medium sized car capable of ferrying all of us out of the city to Clovertip Ridge. I have to say, the middle aged Indian man who drove us there was incredibly nice about the fact Kisame stared at him like he was going to suddenly lunge and chomp off his head. Actually he spent most of the ride there telling us about some incident involving an elephant and a cow at his family home in India. I know, it seemed so stereotypical to me too. He was very sweet about it though.

The other half of the drive he spent scaring us out of our wits. More than once, I am pretty sure Kisame and Itachi were braced to leap from the car before it went flying off the road. The mistake we made was telling the cabbie to get us there as fast as he could. We hadn't made a mention of the fact we wanted our stomachs in tact when we got there. In fact, on a couple of the bends I think our stomachs might have actually shifted positions inside our bodies, along with the rest of our organs.

Kisame was probably soon convinced this was an attempt on our part to kill him, or at the very least cause revenge on him seeing how he was forced to sit up front and therefore have more space to be thrown about. The cabbie, perhaps sensing a bit of discomfort, tried to make amends by engaging with pleasant chat with him, "You are a basketball player? Very tall, throw a basketball super good. Or one of those wrestlers? I think you be a good wrestler. Very strong looking. Throw tables and chairs very well at other men in tights."

To quote Spongebob, I very nearly broke my laugh box at that comment. The thought of Kisame prancing about in a girly fashion, while in blue tights, throwing tables and chairs, and wrestling other guys down to the floor was both hilarious and disturbing. I grinned, "We'll call him Sharkboy the Magnificent!"

Sharkboy the Magnificent shut his mouth tight and instead just held his hands on the dashboard and car door for support as we went around another sharp bend.

After one very cramped ride, which I spent smooshed between the carrot and a very hot metal door, we all spilled out of the car onto the side of the trail at the top of Clovertip. Emma paid the cabbie, and with a cheerful smile he sped off in a cloud of dust, literally leaving us in the middle of nowhere.

I kid you not, Clovertip is in the middle of freaking nowhere. When our two ninja creepos asked for somewhere quiet in the middle of nowhere, they got it.

The place itself was really nice. A wide open area, with a couple of trees and overgrown grass. Obviously it did not get mown very often, as it looked like the last time anyone set foot up here was.. never. The drive up here from the bottom of the mountain had taken about ten minutes or so up a winding dirt track, so hiking that would have taken us nearly a year, with how fit me and Emma were. I would guess not many other people would want to make that hike up here either. You could see for miles around, and there was heaps of clear space, either unihabited or maybe dotted with an occasional farm for at least 20 minutes drive. The city was way back in the distance.

"Well, you got somewhere high up and isolated. So whats your plan, oh great Weasel?" I asked, turning my head back to Itachi.

He was already walking into the middle of the clearing with Kisame though, paying little attention to me, or my cousins. There was no need to watch us. It wasn't like we could run anywhere.

Together they pulled out scrolls and paintbrushes from their pockets. I don't even recall seeing anything like that in their pockets of that size. Not that I generally look at their lower regions to check out their pockets. I'm not a perv like them. In some sort of methodical way, they started setting up the scrolls in a circle and painting random marks on them, standing on either side of the circle facing each other. Itachis face snapped towards us, "You three stand back." It was a very strong command that had a very strong hidden message of 'Move or Else.' So we moved.

A safe distance away from them, the two stared at each other for the moment. Kisame had dropped his disguise and was now his regular fishy goodness (but in jeans) and standing opposite from Itachi (also in jeans.) They looked like they were about to attempt perhaps a dance off for a moment, the way they were priming themselves up. Of course, it wasn't a shocker when all they did was simply press their hands together in a jutsu and then slam them down on the ground on either side of the circle.

Immediatley the small breeze that had gently been brushing over the top of Clovertip turned into a heavier wind, sweeping in around the circle as the markings all lit up. Emma made a small squeaking noise and hid behind Andy, who was not looking so confident himself at what was happening. Actually the words, "Whoa Shyt..." were heard casually dropping from his mouth before the huge gusts of wind snatched the words away again.

It only lasted about a minute before all the swirly patterns and glowing weird things died down. Nothing had changed, except that the ink on the scrolls were now gone. Both ninja removed their palms from the ground and began to roll the scrolls up and replace them in their pockets out of sight.

"Was that it?" I asked.

Kisame cocked where an eyebrow would be, "You expected there to be something more?"

"Yeah. Fireballs. Earthquakes. Full on destruction! That was a let down. You guys are slipping on the destructo meter." Tilting my head, I asked, "So you discovered what you were looking for?"

Itachi, who had been staring out in the distance, "There is a strong chakra signal that is not traceable. If we can find this, then we can perhaps use it to return. Until it steadies enough to be tracked, we can do nothing." His eyes locked with mine for a moment, their dark coal colour at the moment, "We will be requiring your hospitality for longer."

"There isn't a choice in that, is there?"

"No," Kisame answered flatly.

"Brilliant. Another sleepover! Fish, can I please give you a makeover this time?" I grinned up at him. "It just isn't a sleepover until you do makeovers on one another."

Kisame smirked a little, getting out a kunai, "Perfect. How does faceless suit you?"

"Weasel! Sharkboy is being mean to me again. Wait, where are you going?"

He was currently walking to the very edge of the mountaintop, staring down below at the car we had come up in. It was a good distance away now. "We must leave now. If any of our chakra was sensed, it is better we leave before they track us." He looked back at all of us, "The vehicle we came in is too far too cal back. We must find other methods of returning."

Emma blinked, "Oh no. No no no no no! Please. Skinny vampire, don't mean what I think you're saying…"

Yes, he did. Transport by shoulder.

What a fun day this was. And it still wasn't even 8 in the morning. Ugh.

**_ (if)(it)(weren't)(for)(your)(Gumboots)(where)(would)(you)(be)(answer: with wet feet) _**

**Now you are back from reading the dribble of words up above, I can tell you all some good news. I have located our missing friends.**

**Kisame: Let us out of the sack!**

**Me: Never! You shall try escape again! You belong in the cage, at the back of my closet, where no sane person dare to venture.**

**Kisame: No! Not the closet! Not again! The horrors! People reading this… save us!**

**Itachi: … sanity… snapping… turning… into even more sexy badboy, with a rogue side… because of... constant torture! Gaining... more distressed past... meaning... more fangirls... wanting to comfort me... THE HORROR!**

**Me: My plan is working… mwahahha.. And yes, have you noticed how boys with more sad pasts have more fangirls? Just saying..**

**So yes… hope you are all well… if you are reading this again, congrats because you actually managed to stick around and wait for me!**

**Love and dreams and moosh and pie and L&P drink (look it up… mmm is good)**


	6. Krypton Ninjas and Evil Woofers

**Good Morning Starshine, the Earth says …. "WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN YOU ANNOYING RUNAWAY KIWI YOU!"**

**Me: Don't yell… :(**

**So I realize that it has been over 3 months since I updated. I feel really really bad about it. But writing escapes me when there are essays, and camps, and torture by mountains of schoolwork before me. Plus work. And my own willpower and motivation. Every thing is running on low gas at the moment.**

**But, I have managed to get to work long enough to drag back our favorite Weasel and Fish combo, draw them together, and form this chapter! Some of it is hastily written, and I did try to edit, but there may be some mistakes, so please forgive. I tried hard, considering I haven't been in the writing spirit for ages. The writing fairy ditched me when I chose a Medical profession, rather than taking Creative Writing. Instead of making up stories, I'm reading REALLY BLOODY BORING things… AH!**

**So I tracked down Itachi and Kisame in Australia?**

**Itachi: *is tanned* Why didn't you just leave for good… we were happy…**

**Kisame: *is a toasty brown* indeed so! We've been tanning up across the ditch, in the land of Oz!**

**Me: NO! I will not allow you to turn toasty brown, get paid much better wages, and speak in the "G'day mate!" talk of Australia! **

**Okay touch of randomness. I'm running on an hour of sleep. About to go to work. Already had a day of university. I'm half dead. **

**But I love you all! ENJOY!**

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"Sir! Sir! We have another one of those chakra readings!"

It was another one of the newer recruits. Not the same lad that he had in before. It seemed like it was a mutual agreement, between all the more experienced staff working in this organization to send the newbies to their superior. They had all had enough of dealing with him. He terrified the daylights out of them.

This poor sap was learning exactly why they had been so eager to let him carry the message to their commanding officer. As soon as those violet eyes met his, every single piece of bravery and courage drained out of his body. It took literally every single piece of his willpower to stop himself from cowering like a five year old girl, as his commander stood up, something he rarely did because it usually made whatever person was in the area cower in fear more so than ever.

The commander when standing had to be at least six foot six or more. He was heavily built, muscular and his eyes could just about pierce through anything they looked upon. The long scar across his ill colored face, seemed longer and more ugly than normal as the lighting on him changed from his seated, to standing position.

"Where was it located? And how strong?"

"Uh.. um it was uh.."

"Speak up boy!"

The young recruit was certainly not a boy. He was a 27 year old Ex-Marine, who had seen many years of harsh battle and gunfight. He was no way a pushover, and had faced a gun eye to eye without even blinking or breaking a sweat. This man though, in his high ranked uniform… this man frightened the life out of him and reduced him to a puddle on the floor. It was the same every single time though, and the commander was getting sick of it. He needed men with backbones, not sissies.

"Somewhere in California. It didn't last long enough for us to find the exact location, but we can use our machines to trace it down to a one hundred mile radius around where we started picking up the signal. The Branch 22 teams said they are ready to move out as soon as you give the all clear."

"The all clear was already given when I said to track down these two. Leave immediately, take all you need with you. Try reasoning first, but if that doesn't work, then expect one hell of a fight when you try bring them in," he growled, his eyes flashing with a dark glint.

The recruit nodded, "Ye-yes sir!" With that he turned and hastily made his way out of the room. Never again was he going to set foot in the presence of this man alone.

The commander sighed and sat down in his chair again, rubbing his temples with his thumbs. This was the first time such powerful shinobi had come through the portal, and out of all the others he and this organization had managed to track down, he could tell these were going to be the toughest. The more powerful they were, usually the more difficult they were, because they could sense opportunity to use whatever chakra they had, even the smallest most tiny amount, against the normal chakraless people of this dimension. It was havoc when they didn't show up to sort them out.

He wondered briefly if they were going to be some of the known shinobi this time around. Usually the shinobi that turned up were nobodies. People they had no clue about. However the commander knew that one day there would be someone from that world brought through, that they would know about. Indeed, probably someone that millions of people around this world knew about, but thought was simply a work of fiction. Just a made up piece of fictional work was not something any of those people were though.

Turning his chair around to the large window that overlooked a bustling busy city down below, he thought to himself quietly for a while. Indeed if they were this powerful, they were likely going to be some of the known shinobi. Now they simply relied on being able to reason with them, or under worse circumstances, take them down.

He was getting far too old for this.

**(line)(here)_ (line)(here)_ (line)(here)_ (line)(here)_ (line)(here)_ (line)(here)_ **

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Well if you're going to be sick, turn your head away from us two here, and aim over there and be sick on the Fish" I answered a moaning Emma.

We had just finished scaling down the mountain side, ninja style, and all us non-ninjas had paled a few shades whiter. To be honest, my stomach wasn't feeling so hot either, but you know I'm tough. I deal with things. Plus this wasn't the worst ninja running ride I have ever had in my life.

It just so happened that my ride happened to be with a certain ferrety kind of person. The ride was actually pretty comfortable seeing how it was a piggy back ride; much more so than the previous trips taken on a Fish shoulder, where the sharp object he called his shoulder bone would dig into my stomach. The other good thing about this entire ride was that at least there was going to be no awkwardness concerning the fact that usually when being flung over his shoulder, my rear end was beside his face, and I would have to stare directly down at his. In the jeans he was wearing, I can say it is a good thing I wasn't looking down at it. Once I started looking, I do believe it would require a force of will I do not possess to tear my eyes away. Thankfully though, Itachi had chosen to give me a piggy back ride down instead.

Kisame looked up at Emma, who against her luck had been flung over the shoulder of the bigger ninja. Andy was over the other shoulder. With Emma protesting and complaining so much about the Fish "looking at my ass you jerk! Eep, don't kill me!", he had resorted to holding them both so they faced forwards. You know, I was pissed at the idea that I had never ever though to ask them to turn me around to face forward whenever they had carried me. That would have saved a ton of awkwardness in past moments. "You will do no such thing on me."

She shook her head, "Oh trust me, I would rather not either."

The two were now just speeding across the fields below the dip of the mountain. Thankfully this was a mostly unpopulated area, so we wouldn't be seen, and the two ninja roadrunners had agreed to stop closer to civilization and call for another cab.

The breeze though was unbearable in my eyes as I faced forward. Maybe being backwards on a shoulder wasn't such a bad thing as high speeds, with an ass in the face or not. I had to squint my eyes just to take the force of the wind slamming into our faces. How ninja did this I have no idea. They must have eyeballs of steel or something. Mine felt as if they were going to be blown out the back of my skull.

"Weasel? Weasel!" Weeeaaasel!"

Itachi turned his head a little to me to indicate he was listening.

"Just a question, but are all ninjas secretly from Krypton? Do like, you know if you have a great great super uncle twice removed named Superman? Because seriously, your eyes… all ninjas must be from Krypton because only superman has eyes this tough. People can shoot bullets into his eyes and they bounce off. Hey, can I shoot a bullet into your eye?"

He looked ahead again, "No."

"Killjoy. Why, what will happen? Oh! Will your sharingan melt it like a laser beam. I knew it! You are secretly from Krypton. SuperWeasel! And SuperFish!"

I looked over towards Kisame for a moment, "Hmmm, maybe AverageFish…"

Surprise, Kisame ignored my statement and kept running. It was refreshing to see though, that neither Andy nor Emma could withstand the force of the wind without scrunching their eyes up a lot.

To protect my own eyes from being blown from their sockets out the back of my head, I leant my head down behind Itachis. Almost instantly, a rather refreshing scent hit my nose, as it leant down millimeters from his hair, "Still using the herbal shampoo I see. Nice. Very nice Weasel. Very emasculating." I chuckled a little bit, but truth be told, it was really nice. I suppose it could almost be counted as a cuddle, with my arms around his neck and my head buried by his hair. Haha.

As we reached life on the planet again, we hailed yet another cab to drive us home, resuming our positions of being crushed against one another and the door. This taxi driver was by far a better driver than the last one, because he didn't try to kill us at every single turn. He wasn't very chatty either. That could have to do with the pissed off look a certain Fish had beside him, as he sat in his human disguise, smooshed up with very little leg space.

One car ride later and we all spilled out onto the pavement outside of our house. Well me and Emma did. With me pressed up against the door to the car, and Emma's desperateness to get out the car as soon as it stopped being in motion, she had pretty much knocked us both onto the concrete as she tried clambering over me to make her exit.

"Carrot! Seriously? Ow!" I groaned and sat up, pulling myself off the floor slowly as Andy paid the cab driver after calmly exiting on the other side of the cab. "Could give a girl warning! Gees, what if there was a secret bomb strapped to one of my elbows, and you just made me fall onto it huh? We'd be goners! GONERS! It's more terrible to think about than a zombie attack!"

The cab had sped off and left the small group of us outside the front garden. Which led me to grin, "What a fun outing. Let's do it again sometime soon. Somewhere fun! Ooooo, like to an iceskating rink, where I can use the deathly blades of doom to torment everyone!"

"Oh hell no, I refuse to do that again. I have never felt more sick in my life, than that ride on that creatures shoulder!" Emma was yelling and pointing at Kisame.

Kisame glared back at her, "I'd rather have a sack of rotting meat on my shoulder than have you over it again." He moved so he was standing in front of her, a huge hulking piece of intimidation, "For now, count yourself lucky you don't have to be carried on my shoulder. At least you won't, if you get inside right now. Move it."

When she initially tried to refuse, he put his arm around her in an obvious move that meant he was going to drag her inside.

Emma might have caved in to the intimidation and let him drag her, if it weren't for the fact two of the neighbors just happened to walk past. Mr and Mrs Lowlin were an odd couple, aged around 50, and never left their home without their five little dogs. Honest. There were five little yapping monsters, from bichon frise, who I dubbed as 'Frizzy', to a little fat dachshund with a stomach so low it nearly met the pavement. It probably had a name, but I always called it Schnitzel, after Schnitzel von Krum, with a very low tum, from the old Hairy Mclary books I read as a child. They were a strain to spend any sort of time with, despite their rather iffy but goodhearted intentions.

Mrs Lowlin was a woman with an exceedingly large 80's hairstyle, puffed up high and walking on red heels that clashed with her printed jumpsuit. As soon as she caught sight of the group of us, she immediately raced over the road, two furry little yappers on leads trailing behind her, "Emma my darls! Andy, you strapping lad, it has been simply too long! Krissy, simply wonderful to see you as well!"

The group of us froze, unsure what to do as the large printed lady scuttled her way over the road in her heels, hair flapping in the wind and eyes bright and sparkly behind huge specks as big as my palms. Even Itachi and Kisame looked unsure how to handle the approach of this new enemy. They stood still as the woman ended up on our side of the road, eyeing the two new male members of our little posse.

"Oh, my! You didn't tell me that you had finally found yourself a fella Emma! He's gorgeous!" Mrs Lowlin squealed as she approached Kisame and Emma. I think the sight of Kisames arm around Emma may have given off a very wrong impression to her. The lady looked up at Kisame, "My, my you're a big fellow. Is our Emma taking very good care of you? I bet a huge strapping lad of your _**size**_ must take very good care of her." She winked in a knowingly sort of way, with a very subtle after hint about something very pervy that increased the urge to suddenly regurgitate anything in my stomach.

"No! No no no! He's not my boyfriend Mrs Lowlin!" Emma was very quick to point this out to her.

"As if I would ever be romantically interested in a creature like this," Kisame stated with a cold undertone, looking rather amused and disgusted by the idea.

Mrs Lowlin appeared not to have heard either of them, grinning at them both, "Oh now now, you two make an _adorable_ couple. Just remember, outside weddings are only nice in the summer weather okay?"

I made the mistake of giggling. The faces of my cousin and seafood with legs were just so hilarious, I couldn't help making a very undignified cackle of laughter.

That was a bad move.

Instantly Mrs Lowlin turned her eye on me, and the poor unfortunate Weasel. We both had the great misfortune to have been standing relatively close to each other at the time, close enough that her brain must have made some instant connection between us two, because she slyly added, "Oh my, Krissy you as well? I must say, he is such a handsome boy!"

I blinked, "What?"

The woman descended onto Itachi like the plague, pulling her two yapping dogs over with her as she stepped right up in front of him. In her heels, she was just about his height, if her hair wasn't included. While the two little furry monsters on leads started to sniff around both Kisame and Itachi's legs, she reached one hand up to pinch Itachi's cheek, "Such lovely cheekbones! Oh, now aren't you a catch my boy! Bet you have girls falling over themselves for you! You and darling miss Krissy here are obviously a very happy couple though!" She gave out a high pitched giggle and looked at me, "You both make such a lovely little couples! So splendid for the both of you girls!"

She quit pinching Itachi's cheek, giving it a little pat. Itachi had never looked so bewildered and blank at the same time. He obviously had deemed this woman to be no threat, so he hadn't reacted to the cheek pinching at all really. Obviously though it wasn't something he was much used to. I couldn't help but snigger, no matter how red my face had turned at Mrs Lowlin announcing me and Itachi were 'obviously a couple', as Itachi raised a hand to gently rub where the loud woman had squeezed the skin and left a red mark.

As she turned around, she basically screamed, "HENRY! COME MEET THE GIRLS NEW FELLAS!" Across the road, Mr Lowlin turned to look at his wife, the remaining three dogs yapping and whining as they tugged at the ends of their leads, eager to meet the new people that were currently being sniffed to death by the two dogs Mrs Lowlin already had a firm grip on.

"Ah, hell! Me ears! They bleed," I winced, sticking my pinky finger into my left ear trying to rid the ringing sound in them. "Gees, woman has a voice like a loud, dying mongoose or something…"

Thankfully she hadn't heard me, as she eagerly waved her husband over. Three dogs added to the two already attempting to trip us up, and we were one happy looking bunch.

Mr Lowlin was as peculiar as his wife. He was at least a foot shorter than her while she wore her heels, with a set of equally large glasses. He was wider than he was tall, and had trousers hitched up to his chest, making an odd bulge around his stomach.

"Well, hello there fellas!" He gently ran his hand over his bald patch, as if trying to smooth down the hair he hadn't grown there for nearly ten years by Emmas reckoning. Almost immediately afterwards he thrust it towards the others to shake, a huge crooked grin on his face.

After assessing the hand for a moment, Itachi took it gingerly, while Kisame simple sneered a little bit. Itachi sharply glanced at him from out the side of his eye. Kisame wasn't making it very easy blending in and pretending to be normal when he stared at the mans open hand as if it was covered with slime and who knows what.

Believe it or not, I was kind enough to come to assistance and get him out the handshake. "Oh, he doesn't shake hands. He has very sensitive skin on his hands. Poor baby," I said, giving Kisame a sweet sympathetic look, "Needs to soak his hands in oils everyday, just to get them as smooth as a baby's bottom. Otherwise it breaks out in this really ugly blue rash, all over his body. Pretty dramatic."

Kisame looked at me and his eye twitched a bit in annoyance.

Mrs Lowlin gasped loudly, "Oh, that sounds absolutely dreadful dear boy! A blue rash! Well, at least you have the lovely Emma here to help you. I'm sure she has oils to help every sort of skin rash." She smirked a bit with a sly smile again, "Some of her oils make such good lubricants, just to get the skin moving like normal without chaffing or rash. Can be very useful in _**many**_ ways."

I nearly hurled again. Guess it was my fault for bringing up the whole rash thing. Though how it changed subjects so dramatically I won't know.

Thankfully at that moment one of the dogs started to try chomping on Kisame's leg. It was a good distraction from the current topic, and Kisame's surprised and mortified glare down at the tiny ball of puff by his feet drew another giggle from my mouth. Kisame, rather unhappy with the fuzzball trying to chew on his leg, lifted it up, to which to the dogs respond was to sink his teeth in the material of his jeans. As he lifted his leg up awkwardly, with a little wag of a fluffy white tail, and teeth sunk deep through the jeans, the tiny dog was also lifted off the ground. When Ksiame attempted to shake him off, he received a low growl.

"Goodness! Woofers, let go of… what was your name again dear?" Mrs Lowlin went from shocked to inquisitive pretty fast.

"Kisame… now get this mutt off me or this puff of wool shall be skinned alive."

"Now now, he's quite friendly, KeeSam. Woofers, let go of KeeSam!"

Mr Lowlin was the one to correct her, "It was KisamAY dearest."

"Yes yes, alright." Rather oblivious to the fact it was a real threat Kisame had just given to her dog, the fact she had completely said his name wrong an ignoring her husbands correction, she leant down on her heels in an attempt to detach her dog from his leg. When the dog failed to let go, she turned to the closest person, Itachi, for help. "What was your name again young man?"

"Itachi."

"Tashi? What a lovely French name! Okay Tashi, can I get your help please? Woofers has quite the grip, we're gonna need to work together! Thankyou Tashi!"

"No no dear, his name is Itachi," her husband was the one to correct her again, "And I do believe it sounds Japanese."

"Itachi… like the electronic powertools?"

"That's _Hitachi _love," Mr Lowlin answered her.

"Oh my, so sorry. I'm such a scatterbrain sometimes! Okay, Eee-tachi… if you could hold Woofers while I get his teeth off, it would be very helpful."

Itachi, looking blank as ever, was obviously in his mind debating whether or not he was going to get out of this with his dignity. Mr Lowlin had his hands in the leads of all the other dogs, Emma was still trapped in the arms of Kisame despite the fact he was more focused on detaching the canine from his leg, Andy was standing out the way… and me? Well I just looked at him and pointed at the dog, "Come on Weasel. I'm about 2% sure he's not going to turn around and start chasing you up a tree or into the bush."

"Don't worry, my little Woofers is so friendly, he wouldn't hurt a fly! I don't know why he's chewing on your friends leg," Mrs Lowlin said, while Itachi took a hold of the dog gingerly and lifted him up so she could start trying to prize his teeth open.

I snorted, "Friendly… yep."

Mr Lowlin was watching and scratching his head with his free hand. "I don't understand it. Woofers loves everyone. The only thing he has ever hated in the world was fish. That's because we took them all fishing once, and I dropped this massive one on top of him by mistake. Can't stand anything seafood-like since that."

I started laughing again. That explained exactly why Woofers was attempting to chew off Kisames leg. "How about that Fish… we found you a new mortal enemy."

Eventually they managed to prize the dogs mouth open to get his teeth out of the jeans. At which point the dog took on a brand new personna and flipped around in Itachis arms so that he faced the unsuspecting Weasel with a new adorable attitude. Tail wagging, he attempted to briskly lick Itachi's face down to bone. It was only with Itachi's fast reflexes that he managed to hold the dog far enough away so that the slimy tongue didn't touch his face.

"You made a friend," I grinned at him, "You two shall become as thick as thieves. Weasel and Woofers. Got a much nicer ring to it than Weasel and Fish. Could get you much better matching outfits as well. N'arwww." I made a cutesy little face at the two of them.

Itachi, surprise surprise, ignored me as he put the wriggling dog down. Instantly the furry thing was cuddling up against his leg, tail a blur as it wagged side to side. Even when he attempted to nudge it away, the dog came right back again like a boomerang, and he left it be, choosing to ignore the fuzzy little guy the same way as he ignored me.

Mrs Lowlin smiled and patted Kisame on the arm, "Terribly sorry KeeSam. I promise you, darling little Woofers won't do it again." She reached up and took said dog into her arms, as her remaining four yapped around everyones ankles. Woofers grumbled in protest at being torn away from cuddling up to Itachis leg, but didn't try to get away. "Well, we must be on our way! Simply must catch up with each other again! How about we all do dinner one night! What a fabulous idea, we'll be at yours on Friday!"

Emma and Andy blinked simply at her, not quite understanding how fast they had suddenly just been roped into making dinner for their neighbors. I simply started planing a way that I could be mysteriously vacant on that night. It was only two days away. I could easily contract some deadly disease or come up with something important in those two days. Or Kisame could send me to the emergency room. Compared to that, or the dinner, I'd pick the emergency room any day.

"Ciao ciao my dearies! We'll see you on Friday! I'll bring dessert!"

Almost as quickly as they had appeared, Mr and Mrs Lowlin, as well as all their dogs, had started off down the street. For about a minute, none of us moved, still attempting to process it.

I turned to Kisame and smirked a little bit, "Hows the leg Fish brains? Kisame vs the White Fluff Terror… and you lost. Haha."

"Cease talking," Kisame ordered with a glare, obviously still trying to maintain a bit of his wounded pride. I could only imagine, being an all powerful ninja and then being unable to detach a furry white dog from your trouser leg. Must have been pretty humiliating.

Which is exactly why I continued to tease him.

"You know I bet he's not really a dog, but an evil alien from the planet Woofmogsten, which is why they named him Woofers. Secretly when he bites people, he is injecting poison into your system, that mutates your face into a horrible shamble, that renders you forever ugly!" Dramatically I reached up and pinched his cheek, "Oh dear lawd, it's already starting! You poor creature! Don't worry, we will forever accept you and your ugliness!"

He turned to snarl, and I waved a hand in front of my face, "Oh, wew! Wow, I don't think the ugly breath we might be able to love so much. Don't worry, I'm sure we have some mints somewhere!"

"Get in the house."

"Oh, guess touchiness must be a side effect then. Since when do you tell me what to do anyway, huh mutated Fishy Face?"

"Get. In. The. House." He said each word shortly, between gritted teeth, nostrils flaring. Any person could recognize this as the danger zone. For me, it was the '_let's push my limits and test how far into the danger zone I can go._'

"Make me. If you do, I shall just set the evil dog on you again! Don't think I won't. You awoke me early, so I'm now a fiery little ball of rage that will bite you, kick and punch, or anything!"

Kisame simply responded by lifting me up under the other arm, opposite to the one which was still cradling Emma against him, though in a very unromantic position. Her nose was practically shoved up in his armpit. I felt rather sorry for her.

I wriggled around, "I have legs you know! Seriously, I'll set Woofers on you! You boggle blasted mongoose of a fish in disguise, _**put me down!**_" I was very resistant to him picking me up, because I didn't want to have my nose shoved up in the pit of doom like my dear cousin.

At this angle it was hard for him to keep a perfect grip on me, while trying to keep Emma from slipping from his grip in his other arm, so he opted to shove me towards Itachi. The smaller ninja reached an arm out to take a hold of me and started walking towards the door, heading inside the house.

"You know, as nice as it is not smelling fish pits compared to your wondrous herbal hair, I still have legs… ones that work too, would you believe?"

"And if I were to allow you to use them, you would then choose _**not **_too, instead likely just sitting on the floor."

I blinked a little, pouting slightly at the fact he had figured out my plan. Maybe I was a little predictable in that sense, but I still sought to pretend that wasn't my plan for at least a moment, "No! Well, maybe… Now that you mention it, I probably would. You don't have proof though! Stop reading my mind you brain hacker you! Gees!"

We were now through the doorway, Andy ahead of us and Kisame at the rear with Emma, shutting the door behind us all. Once we were all in the privacy of wooden and stone walls, he dropped both his disguise and Emma at the same time. Emma fell to the floor, not too hard seeing how he felt generous enough to allow her room to put her legs out to at least stumble a bit. I was still in Itachis arm at the moment, simply because he hadn't yet bothered releasing me.

Looking over at Kisame in his restored blue form, I couldn't help but make a comment again, "You know Kisame, I reckon you should try a greener colour. Seriously, seeing how you're a ninja criminal thingy, and you're pretty much a fish too, there is a very nice green lizard fish I could recommend you hanging out with. His name is Thane. Such a nice guy, even if he is an assassin. Prays a lot, a real sweetie when he's not, yano… shooting people. I wonder if we could do that actually?"

I turned my head to Andy, "Andamundo, can we get out Mass Effect 2? I wanna try zap Thane out. It might do nicely for blue boy to have a fish friend."

"You are not bringing another assassin into this house Krissy… And you really expect that would work anyway?" Andy didn't look all too sure about whether it would work or not.

"Hey, if the TV can throw out these two, then surely that must mean it can throw out other people too. I mean, if you wanna go ahead and bring out Gordon Ramsey to cook us up a nice meal for this doomed dinner on Friday that neither of you were able to stop, then thats fine. We're just gonna have to put Fish in a big bowl of water out the way, so the Ramster doesn't try to cook him up. Plus, we will need to purchase a large amount of earplugs for the swearing."

"Well if you're so certain that it can throw out other people, then why won't it throw them back in?" Andy pouted a bit, before giving the two Akatsuki members an awkward, hasty smile, "Um, not that we don't love having house guests or anything. Surely though, you two would much prefer going back into your ninja cartoon, fighting off that guy whose hair goes all spiky when he shouts Kame-ha?"

I face palmed. It was rather awkward, seeing how Itachi had still failed to release me from his grip, but yet I managed. "Andy, you're lucky Weasel hasn't let me go, or I would slap you over the head with the Wooden Spoon of Death. That's Dragonball Z."

Andy grunted indignantly, "Well sorry that I'm not an expert in anime. Put them back into whatever television show they are normally in then!"

"Show?" Kisame asked, raising a brow, "What do you mean by 'show'?"

Seeing how he knew what a television show was, after we had made him suffer so much TV last night, it was obvious that he was questioning the fact that Andy had mentioned a show they were involved in. When none of us instantly answered, the brief awkward silence led to Kisame asking again, "What show?" His voice was a little lower in tone, bordering danger zone more than ever.

Seeing how my dear male cousin had been the last one to speak, he still held the attention of Kisames beady eyes. After a nervous gulp, he did the most noble thing for me; he threw me in the path of bus… or in this case, the shark… "Didn't you know you guys were from a cartoon anime show? I thought Krissy would have told you?"

Instantly the beady eyes, as well as some very dark black ones that might soon turn bright red, snapped onto me. My stomach felt about as unsettled as if a huge chunk of ice had suddenly dropped into it, heavy and uncomfortable, making my blood run cold at the dark looks I was now getting.

"Um, well…"

Oh crud.

I'd never had to really admit to any of the people of the Naruto world that they were, in fact, anime characters. The only one I had ever told was the Third Hokage, and he had been very accepting of it. He had even refused to allow me to tell him about anything that would happen, just so nothing was spoilt in the timeline at all. Meaning I couldn't tell him about Orochimaru attacking, or his upcoming death. It was sad, I liked that old man.

Certainly I had never told any of the Akatsuki members. During one particularly viscous mind attack jutsu, where they had pretty much all forced their way into my mind, they had discovered that there was more than just me that knew about them. They hadn't actually realized that they were a TV show though, watched by millions. Or even that they were present in several manga versions, their every move stalked by readers from all across the globe.

Seriously, how do you tell someone that? Especially psycho killers like these?

I nervously rubbed the back of my head, "Well, um… I might have, yano… left that part out. Woops?"

Itachi's grip had tightened on me a bit, enough so to cause me to yelp from the sudden pinch of skin on my arm where his fingers were crushing against it. "Ow, Weasel with fingers of steel, that hurts!"

His grip loosened a little, but the sharp look in his eyes didn't let down as he stared down at me, "We need to have a talk."

"A chit chat? Oh sure thing pal. Actually, you know, that might be nice. I've had a few questions I've wanted to ask you since you got here. When we last saw each other, things got cut a bit short." I stared him back in the eyes, a grin on my face, but my eyes were dead serious. It was all I wanted, to be able to talk with him and find what had changed since last time. From a kiss, to the Human Ice Cube treatment, was quite a leap. Though he was confusing as hell, even looking at him still gave my stomach butterflies. Having his arm around me, even in a fairly unromantic way, was enough to make my heart pound hard against my ribcage.

His fingers clenched a little harder again, though his face remained a blank canvas, with the exception of the piercing stare of his eyes. I bit my lip to stifle another small gasp of pain as the skin pinched again. It would be red by the time he removed his hand, possibly a light purple bruise. Damn me and my non-ninja skin. I bruise too easy.

"Then we shall talk…"

Kisame, who had been staring the two of us down the entire time, suddenly turned his head. The corners of his mouth tilted slightly more down, and his brow dipped into a frown. Itachi too turned his head, looking in the same direction Kisame was. "You sense that Itachi?"

"Yes." It was a short answer, but deep in Itachi's eyes, looked to be about a thousand thoughts racing by.

I stared in the same direction as them for a moment, and then back up at them, "So… you sense the wall?" I asked this question, simply because the wall was exactly what they were staring at right now.

Kisame turned to look back at me, "Don't be stupid you ignorant brat, of course it isn't the wall."

"So, what are you two staring at? Wall_**paper**_?"

Itachi, who was still staring transfixed in the same direction, answered me, "Chakra. Powerful chakra."

I thought for a moment, "Maybe it's the portal?" Part of me hoped so. A huge part of me seriously hoped not though. Not when I had just guaranteed myself a talk with Itachi.

"No. It is directed through a person. Spreading." For a moment Itachi closed his eyes. When he reopened them, his gaze was like cold steel, without any warmth, "Someone is trying to track us right now."

We were all silent for a bit, and Kisame turned his body slightly so he was facing more square on to his associate, "So? Let them track us. Perhaps they can get us out this whacked up place."

Both me and Emma were about to stage a protest against that statement, except for the fact Itachi cut us off, "There is something wrong about this chakra Kisame. They have already found the location we were in less than an hour ago." His jaw clenched a bit, before, "We should refrain from using any large amounts of chakra for a while."

"Why?" Kisame pouted slightly.

"Because otherwise they find us."

There was a deep discomfort in his voice as he said that, and his muscles were a little stiffer, eyes still steely and distant. Kisame could sense it, we all could. If Itachi was uncomfortable about this, then like hell that meant it could not be good news, whatever this chakra was.

Even I was hoping it wouldn't find us.

**~ ~ ~ (BOO) ~ ~ ~ (TO) ~ ~ ~ (You!) ~ ~ ~**

**So there we are my duckies, another chapter finally out. It was really rushed at the end, because I wanted to get it done, posted, before I put it off any more!**

**I could make promises about trying to update again soon, but by now you all know how hopeless I am. *cries* I'm sorry!**

**Kisame: *slaps with an eel* STOP CRYING! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!**

**Me: *cries louder***

**Itachi: *removes eel from Kisames hand* Don't set her off more, we'll never shut her off. Let's just sneak out the back door while she's crying, and make a break for it.**

**Kisame: I agree, it will be ages most likely before she comes looking for us again.**

**Me: OH NO YOU DON'T! *Chains both up in my closet* there… motivation! Every day I'll hear them yell, so every day I shall be reminded I should be writing!**

**I am genius!**

**8D**

**Love you.**

**Watch the olympics! I am. Excuse for avoiding schoolwork. Lol.**

**P.S. Every country in the world *gets a silver, and cries like a little girl that they didn't get gold***

**New Zealand *gets one bronze medal and parties like mad for days***

**TRUE STORY! LOL!**


	7. Bad Cops and Sticky Plasters

**Is it true? She has actually managed to post twice within the same month? IT's A MIRACLE! YAYYY!**

**Well my fantastic yellow duckies, I have proven that I am NOT going to be a Neurologist, which is a very good thing for you all seeing how I wrote the majority of this chapter during one of my lectures on the brain. So… I might possibly have some study to catch up on after this. hahaha. Be happy. I ignored my lecturer in class for you all, just to write this. **

**The same lecturer who told us a story about a banana. True story. I have a picture to prove it. A big slideshow page saying "A story about a banana" in the place where, you know… learning slides should be? **

**Itachi: Seems she chose something to fit your level of thinking…**

**Me: :O Itachi! So mean! I do happen to pay attention in my lectures. Aside from the brain.. and possibly a few lectures about the muscles… and I play Sudoku online a lot… shut up!**

**Kisame: You play Sudoku in your lectures?**

**Me: Maybe… but I also make toast and play bingo in my tutorials… and that is actually set up by my lecturer! Who knew the study of how one makes toast could be so interesting from a health students point of view… Plus, free toast! (is all a student thinks about, free shyt haha)**

**Itachi: I do not like toast…**

**Me: You also do not like steak. Therefore, you my friend, are a weirdo….**

**Kisame: For once, I agree with the crazy chick.**

**Me: Win! I got Kisame to agree with me!**

**So, before this rambles on into a much longer conversation between me and these fine fellows, I shall leave you with this chapter. It ended out different than I expected, and I really had to tug at my brain (which part I cannot tell you, because I didn't pay attention enough in my lecture to learn what part does what LMAO) about it. Hope it ended up what everyone expected, or what you at least can minimally accept. If not well… guess I have more lectures to not pay attention to, so I can address it hahaha.**

**Enjoy!**

**~w~h~o~~~a~c~t~u~a~l~l~y~~~r~e~a~d~s~~~t~h~i~s~~~? **

Sometimes I really, _really_ hate Itachi.

So do random parts of my body every so often. Like my arm right now. The location of his vice like grip on my skin, where I was certain a bruise with fingerprints would form, was really hating him. So were the soles of my feet, after a sudden drop had caused severe ground shock to rock up through to my ankles.

I gave a small whimper as the tingly feeling continued to buzz in my toes, casting him my best evil side glare, "Thankyou. You're such a gentleman. My feet appreciate the pain."

He was very unsympathetic to my pain as I hobbled over to the dining room table and plonked my backside down on one of the chairs. He sat down in a chair directly opposite to me over the table, while Kisame took up the flank right behind me. You know, in case I was dumb enough to attempt to make a running break from ninjas, out through the doorway and to Timbucktoo. Sure thing!

Emma and Andy were absent. They had been very quick to sell out the fact that I was really the only one who watched the series enough to have a clue what was going on, so therefore I was the only one worth interrogating. I didn't blame them for selling me out, seeing how they were being threatened by a Fish. Still, if I was still able bodied by the end of this, they would face a bucket of icy water in the face tomorrow. _That_ would be worth getting up early for. Kisame had ushered them upstairs somewhere, out of earshot and locked in one of the rooms, with apparently a thousand kunais or something pinning the door to its frame. At least that is what I assumed from Emmas loud screaming, about kunais being in her door.

The dining room felt as thought it had dropped a few degrees in temperature since our arrival. I could almost see my breath coil out in front of me, the only warmth between me and the icy glare of coal colored eyes across the table.

"So… have you boys decided which one of you is good cop, and which one is bad cop? I asked.

Looking at Itachi, I started musing aloud, "You do seem to be a fitting choice for good cop, seeing how Fish is like some huge snapper on steroids… which is always the reason I blame his hat for looking like it was on steroids. You know, those cool straw hats, that you thought protected your identity, like a giant black cape with big red clouds weren't a huge bloody giveaway. But they were still awesome hats." I tilted my head back to look at Kisame for a moment, "Then again, we all know that deep, deep, _deep_ inside, you're just like a big cuddly plush toy. And you Weasel, we've all seen you and your eyes turn to the dark side."

"Please be silent for a moment."

I shut my mouth for a little bit, actually doing what he asked. For the single moment he asked.

"Okay, moment over. Would you boys like a cup of tea?" I asked brightly.

Itachi stared at me blankly, "No."

"Oh, shoot, that's right! We're in America, duh! Tea is super odd in this place apparently. A cup of Joe then! Although I don't think caffeine is a good thing for any of us to be having right now… Besides, who would want a cup of Joe? Who is this Joe fellow anyway? What exactly did he do wrong in his life, that he ended up in a caffeinated beverage? See, Americans are all cannibals if they are drinking Joe. Maybe it is his blood? Vampires, I knew it!"

"Krissy!" His voice was a little louder and had a harder tone to it. I instantly became quiet. Itachi hardly ever spoke my name to me, so when he did, it was definitely one of those '_Shit is going down_" times.

Which meant I definitely did not want to be here. _Time to continue stalling tactics._ "Okay, tea it is!"

I attempted to make a break for the kitchen, but had only put a single foot out, when Kisames hands clapped down hard on my shoulders and shoved me back into the chair. "Don't run, if you don't want to be missing any limbs by the end of this. Believe me, that is something I would happily take part in.

"Oh I'm sure you would," I grumbled through gritted teeth, pouting a bit. "So I'm guessing that means that no-one wants any tea?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I mean really sure? And before you say yes, just think about the impact that tea will have this conversation. I mean, it will remove any possibility of any of us collapsing from thirst, remove dehydration from the equation, calm any nerves! No, we need tea." Not only all that, tea would also give me an opportunity to avoid talking to them for longer.

Itachi let out a long breath, obviously calming himself a little bit, "Krissy, please be cooperative."

I stared at him, "What if I'm not?"

"Then this becomes difficult."

"What kind of difficulty? Because, just so you know, I'm a pro at facing difficult things. You know on Tetris, which is this building blocks game, I managed to pass the highest level, on the fastest speed. Had a large rocket ship appear on the screen. You guys probably don't know tetris, but that's like, S level rank in oldschool Gameboy colour."

Kisame's hands were on my shoulders again and started digging in hard. Hard enough that I could feel my bones creaking under the pressure slightly.

"Gah, ow!"

"This is the level of difficulty," Kisame kindly explained, "Are you 'a pro' at facing this?

"Ouch, I am when I am around you two…"

Itachi raised his head to look at Kisame for a moment, and the pressure of the hands released. I immediately raised a hand up to rub where his fingers had dug in the most. Yep, there would be a bruise there tomorrow. Thankfully he hadn't snapped my collarbone, so it could have been a lot worse. All this was bringing back memories though.

"You do realize he asked for you to be silent? Is your brain that small that you cannot understand that word?" Kisame asked.

"You know, not to make you look stupid, which you clearly are… but he actually said to be silent for a moment. When that moment passed, I was free to talk again. See, you really have to learn how to listen and use that fishy brain of your own." I once again turned my face towards Itachi, "As for co-operating… I mean come on. I faced you guys torturing me before. Broken legs, severe mind rape in the extreme, need I continue? I still didn't co-operate. You expect me too now?"

"Yes, because it is not only your life we can hold at ransom for information, but we can also hold the lives of your cousins at ransom," he smirked, grin widening and giving me a flash of his sharp teeth.

I frowned at him, "You're a bloody evil Fish, you know that? I mean seriously, sleep with one eye open, or you'll find yourself wrapped up in rice and seaweed, served as sushi by the morning."

In order to stop more conflict growing between me and the possible seafood platter behind me, Itachi spoke up, "We will endeavor to make sure that it doesn't happen, but only if you agree to co-operate."

I stared back at Itachi again with an evil scowl. Right now, he could be as sexy as he wanted, shirt off and everything (unlikely to happen though) and I'd still be fuming at him. I didn't want to talk about this, it could only end up badly. Seeing how it wasn't just my life I was playing with right now though, it was probably better to talk. "Okay, shoot the questions."

"Your cousin let slip that we are part of a 'television show'… you will tell us exactly what you know about this. Do not pretend you are unaware of anything. We are not stupid." Itachi spoke very calmly, sort of in the way that reminded me about the calm before a storm.

"That statement is very, _very_ debatable when it comes to sushi roll behind me."

There was no way for me to get out of this though. If I were to pretend I didn't know, then they would get meaner. How was I meant to explain to them everything that I knew though? How would they react if I were to tell them that according to the storyline, they had terrible deaths to come. How would Kisame react if I were to ever mention where Itachis true loyalties resided? What would they do to each other, and if they ever got back into their own dimension, to others there? That wouldn't end well, and if I refused to cooperate, no doubt Itachi would try a mind invasion technique to pry the information out.

So I was going to have to be clever about how I went about this. Great. Thinking. Not really one of my strongest points if we were honest about it. "Look, when Andy mentioned you guys were part of a show, what he meant was that… that you just kinda looked like the guys from a show I watch. Believe me, it's completely different though. The characters are way different, not even close to you. Just the looks are a little similar. Really, that is all." Okay, it wasn't a fantastic excuse, but seeing how Andy had admitted he never ever watched the said show these two were supposed to have come from, it sounded plausible.

"You are lying."

I scoffed, "I am not! How dare you accuse me of such a thing!"

Itachi looked at me calmly for a moment, before reaching for something in the pocket of his jeans, "You know far more than you are letting on, and it is time for you to start telling us more of the truth about where we come from." As he was talking, he was unfolding a few pieces of paper, laying them out one by one on the table in front of me.

My heart stopped for a moment when I saw what was on them. They were all torn out pages from the various Naruto mangas that I had stored on the book shelf in my room upstairs. I had completely forgotten about Itachi ever checking my room. He had the eyes of a hawk, I should have known he was bound to have found those! The pictures on the pages were all of Kisame and Itachi, from various stages of the manga. Some from their early fights, during their first introduction. Another was Itachi and Sasuke, when Itachi had killed the clan. Then there were a few sections of the Shipudden as well. Thankfully I never had any of the really recent ones, past the recovery of Gaara way back at the beginning of the Shipudden.

I stared at them for a moment, gently picking up a page, "You destroyed my books." It was all that I could think to say at the moment, while the best of my brain tried to piece together a reasonable excuse for all of this. Nothing came to mind though, other than telling them the plain obvious truth.

Kisame reached over my shoulder and plucked the page out of my fingers. The pictures he stared down were from the very first time the two had been introduced, during his fight with Asuma, while Itachi had been fighting against Kurenai. He hand visibly started to shake a little. "What the hell is this?"

"Um… Art."

"I can see that. Where did it come from?"

"I uh… drew it?" Like I could ever draw that. Fail in the extreme!

Kisames fist clenched tightly and crushed the page within his fingers. I swear, a fine dust just about sprinkled out between his fingers from how hard he crushed the paper. "This is from before we even met you. So I think that you should tell the truth, before I replace this page in my fist, with your head."

"Alright, fine! Gees, don't say I didn't warn you guys. You might not like what I tell you yano, which is why I didn't ever tell you guys about it before."

They were all ears by now, waiting for me to talk.

Reluctantly, I started speaking, "So, um, in our world, you two are, uh… known as… how do you say… fictional characters?" That was about as blunt as I could really force myself to put it.

Kisame raised a brow, "Fictional characters? Hardly, we're standing in front of you. How can we be fictional?"

I gave him a _'No shit Sherlock'_ look, "Well _**duh!**_ I can see you're not fictional right now Fish brains. You just saw the pictures though. Look, I don't know how it all happened, but in this world you guys are from an anime series called _Naruto. _Books like this one, which are also now a television show, merchandise. It's pretty popular actually. So are you guys."

"What, you mean all of this," he gestured to the pages still intact and not crumpled on the table, "It's based off that little blonde Kyyubi boy from Konoha?"

"Yep."

He because visibly more angry, "What the hell they doing writing about that guy?"

I shrugged, "Because somewhere along the line, someone thought it was an interesting story to write about? Look, guys, all I can say is that in this world… you are not real. You're just a picture in a book."

They were silent for a moment, before, "That is bullshit!"

"Fish! I shall wash your mouth out with soap and detergent, and all other cleansing products!"

My words had very little effect on him though, and his fists were still clenched dangerously, "So how many people know about us. Thousands? Are we able to track them all down?"

I shook my head, "No. Millions. Probably hundreds of millions. I told you, it's pretty popular. A huge amount of people know all about you, all about the Akatsuki. When you guys tried that little mind trick on me last time, and found out that a lot of people knew about you all, that is what it was."

Kisame growled and pushed back from the chair, "So you're telling us that millions of people know every single detail about our lives? Every single piece of information about the Akatsuki?"

I nodded, "Pretty much, yeah. I told you that you wouldn't like it."

To say he didn't like it was an understatement. He had actually turned a deeper shade of purple, as anger started to flood his cheeks.

Itachi, who had been sitting calmly with his hands in front of his face, indexes pressed together in an almost jutsu like pose as he was thinking, looked up at his associate, "Calm down Kisame." He wasn't looking far too impressed himself though, his brow creased deeply as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and took in a few slow, deep breaths. I suppose he had far more to be angry about, with the knowledge that ever detail of his life was known by millions of people. The secrets he had worked hard to keep hidden from everyone were pretty much common knowledge. All his betrayals, true motivations…

Kisame turned back to Itachi, slamming his hand down on the papers, "So if we're supposed to be from the damned book, what the hell are we doing here? And how the hell are we meant to get back?"

Itachi shook his head briefly, "I do not know. The chakra we experienced was inter-dimensional, which would be easier to figure out. If we are meant to be from a story, then I am unsure how we proceed." Indeed, he did look completely at a loss on how they were going to leave.

I felt something grab my arm, and suddenly found myself hoisted out of my seat by the Fish. As my body left the chair, my legs failed and succeeded in knocking the table to the floor, "You, brat! How did you even end up in our world in the first place then? What did you do? Everything always involves you!"

"Gees, I don't know! If I knew how it all worked, you think I would have even remained with you two as long as I did there!? I have about as much of an idea as you do on this!" I yelled back at him, trying hard to pull his fingers from my arm. They dug in so hard that I could feel all the circulation in the lower part of my arm start to cease flowing, fingers already going numb.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that he was a merciless killer. I could count my lucky stars that I got away with the amount of teasing I usually put him through. Underneath it all though, sometimes I needed to remind myself that this guy both tortured and killed people as a living. That part of him I was experiencing right now, as I lost the feeling flowing through my arm.

"Release her Kisame!" Itachi snapped, and Kisames gaze fell on his younger partner. Itachi gave him a stern look, "If she is connected to this, then we shall find out what we need. There is no need to injure her for it. It will in no way help our situation."

It would have been nice to think it was his concern for my health that he had said that. However his gaze was still angry, likely just as pissed as the Fish was about this entire thing, and he was probably just making sure Kisame didn't lose it and render me unable to talk in some way or another, before they found out all they needed.

I felt the hand release and I tumbled to the floor, groaning when my arm stuck the side of the toppled table on the way down. The sharpened corner cut a pathway between my elbow and halfway up to my wrist, about the length of my hand, and I pulled my entire arm to me as I sat up a little on the floor. Kisame growled something about needing space to think, before taking off towards the back door, donning his human disguise as he disappeared outside. A huge part of me was thankful he was gone. I couldn't really blame him for getting angry now that he knew the truth. I would have been fully pissed off as well, to learn that my entire life had been documented and every single detail of it known by millions of people. It was better that he perhaps took the time to calm down. He (hopefully) wasn't stupid enough to go out and try anything like burning down buildings in anger. At least, that is what I hoped…

Sitting on the floor for a moment, I stared up at Itachi. He was still staring in the direction Kisame had taken off too, probably himself debating whether or not that the giant man would do anything stupid to blow their cover.

"Well, that went just peachy," I stated. "See, I told you we should have had tea. Might have calmed the whole situation down better." Who was I kidding? Likely it would have just made things a whole bunch worse, because rather than just a table and crumbled papers that had to be picked up off the floor, I'd also have to pick up shattered cups and mop up tea. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't serve the tea. I had simply just wanted something to say for the moment though. The silence between us was just too chilly, that saying anything was better than nothing.

I made it onto my feet, wobbling over to the sink and starting to rinse the cut on my arm. It wasn't deep, and it would probably be a scab in a few days but it still stung like a bee.

Itachi was still standing behind me. He had barely moved in the last few minutes, stuck in thought. I felt awkward here like this, not sure what move to make next. I chose to leave him in silence though, rather than engaging in a conversation. What could I talk about anyway?

After retrieving the first aid kit, I very clumsily attempted to put an assortment of sticky plasters up my arm, unable to find larger bandaids suitable to fit my cut. Our first aid kid needed serious stocking up. We were always missing something. Most unfortunately as well, the tiny strips of sticky wonder used for (usually) mini cuts were of the variety that (of course, it was because this was me trying to use them) would not actually stick to the skin with great ease. "Damn you plasters, stick. Stick! Why you no stick to my arm!?"

There was a couple of angry grunts as my fingers fumbled and failed to stick the various bright colored strips over the cut, before I felt another hand gently take a hold of my elbow.

My breath instantly caught in my chest, unable to even utter a small squeak of surprise at the sudden move. Itachi had come up behind me so quietly I hadn't heard him, which was hardly unsurprising for a ninja like him. What was surprising was _how close_ he was. His hand had slipped just beside my arm, gently taking a hold of my wrist to turn it so the injury faced him, fingers only lightly pressing against the skin with such delicacy, it was if they weren't even there.

The soft caress of his breath was close enough to the back of my head that no doubt if I were to lean back even a few millimeters, then my back would be pressing into his chest. Though there had been many an occasion when I had been even closer to him, such as this morning with the piggy back ride, sometime about this felt… different. My heart was beating so fast in my chest, I almost feared it might actually start making physical thumps on my ribcage.

"Let me take a look at that."

The tingle of his breath against the messy waves of hair that was covering my ear sent a chill down my spine, and the fact I remained standing without my knees buckling at the sound was in my opinion, some serious willpower on my behalf.

He moved so he was standing in front of me, the second hand resting on my upper arm to hold it steady, while he inspected the damage. Within moments, he was already peeling the absurdly bright coloured plasters from my arm, retrieving something from the pocket of one of his jeans. The first object was a small bottle of liquid that he used along the length of broken skin to clean it in a more sterile way. The second object was a longer stretch of tape, with a centre strip meant to protect the cut, which he placed along the welt in my skin with a fine accuracy, replacing the remaining amount of tape and liquid into his pocket again. Obviously those jean pockets were his new storage facility, seeing how the use of his Akatsuki coat was banned.

"It will be gone in a few days," he said, raising his eyes up to meet mine. They hadn't left my arm until this moment.

Gawd, it felt like a tonne of living bricks had just jumped on my chest and starting Irish dancing. I'm sure he could just about see the organ in my chest leap out through my rib cage. He was so close. _So close!_ I could see every single detail of his face. The deep lines on his cheeks, every fine lash, the curve of his mouth. _Oh shit, don't stare,_ I thought desperately as I also reminded myself that at some point, I needed to **breathe**.

"Th-thanks." _Oh my life, could I sound more like a fangirl?_

He looked as if he were thinking of something, but he said nothing. Hours felt like they passed, but it was probably a few seconds, before he pulled back a bit from me, "Hn."

Hn? Wait, that was what he was going to give me? I was back to the non-word answer of his? Oh hell no, I wanted answers from him. Forcing my mind to put its fangirlish thoughts away for just a minute, I turned my body to follow the angle at which he was trying to walk past.

"Wait. We need to talk."

He stopped walking, "Talk?"

I nodded, "Yes. About, yano… us? You're ignoring me, as if there were nothing going on, and nothing between us. But that's not true."

Itachi stayed still for a few seconds, before turning back towards me a little. It was then I noticed that he had still failed to release his gentle grip on my wrist. His fingers literally felt as if they weren't there, the touch was so light. I felt the pressure though, as the rough pad of his thumb slid across the thin skin of my inner wrist, softly and almost tenderly. It was something that could have almost been missed, or passed off perhaps as an accidental gesture, as he released his grip directly afterwards, allowing my arm to fall to my side.

"There is nothing between us."

With those words he was already moving away from me, fast enough so that by the time my brain processed what he had said and thought to reply to him, he was already gone.

**(too)-(lazy)-(to)-(separate)-(the)-(lines)-**

**So there we are. A tiny, teeny, tidily widely bit of ItachiXKrissy at the end. Lmao. Um, yeah. I had to put it in for you lot ;) **

**And because Itachi is so smexy he needs some loving (lol, lol, the autocorrect in my word document just changed 'smexy' to 'smelly'.. thank gawd for proofreading! XD itachi you smell!)**

**Itachi: *is disturbed at being called smexy by crazed author, and then smelly by her computer***

**Tehe. **

**So drop a review if you can. It would be lovely. Seriously, I stalk my hotmail to see every new review come through. Then feel tremendously guilty when I read them, about to reply, and then realize I should be doing something like study, and then forget to reply.**

**Honestly, I love each review, no matter what. Unless you're flaming my work in a nasty, non-helpful way that is just to be spiteful and not help me improve. Then *GIANT MOTHERFREAKING FLAMETHROWER*!**

**Love all of you who aren't burning to crisps from the flamethrower. 8D**

**P.S. It's actually Itachi. The government has some rule against me getting a flamethrower, so I'm just putting Itachi to work. 8D**


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